Still in shock....

That's really it shocked....When I am home alone, I hate it! Most of the day I am good, but this seems cruel and unreal. NOW I AM TERRIFIED TO GET PREGNANT!! It's like the baby was taken and now I am terrified to get pregnant. He was beautiful, lived 2 days in the NICU. We named him Austin. I can't believe this. My water broke and cervix opened. I can't even type the details because the last 2 weeks have been awful. I feel like I'll never heal.  I try to hold on to the fact the God did give us 2 days to say good-bye, my baby brought my husband and I closer than I could ever have imagined. I just can't get over that it's over. How do I think of trying again?? without being completely crippled with fear???... I go back to work on Tuesday and have to face my class with a completely flat stomach, when I left with my 22 week baby bump. We have to talk and work it out on Tuesday with my school. Wow this is completely overwhelming how your life can change in an instant.