Still in Denial

I wish that grief would hit me. I wanted to be with Geo so he could comfort me, but I leave tomorrow afternoon, and so it doesn't look like it's going to happen. My mom said it probably would hit me when I get to the airport tomorrow. I don't know where I'm going to be staying. I need to go to bed early tonight because I need to wake up early to see the dentist tomorrow. I have a molar that died and I lost a chunk of it, and it's scraping my tongue and hurting. I want to get it taken care of before I leave. I just hope I don't miss the bus. I have to be at the dentist's at 8am, and my bus leaves at noon. I hope I'm not waiting too long, but it's a Monday, so you never know. It's just been hard eating and drinking since my tongue is sore.
Despite that, I went over my calories today. Not by much, but I'm just upset that I'm emotionally eating. It may not have come to the surface, but my unconscious knows that my Nana is gone and is depressed. I'm eating to fill the hole that she left. I'm also scratching my tongue against the hole in my tooth to make it hurt as a form of self injury. It might be tiny, but I get that same feeling when I do it. I'm just a wreck. I just wish my feelings could come to the surface and I can start on the pathway towards peace. Sleep last night was good... I got 12 hours, and then took a nap for about an hour. I hope I can fall asleep soon, since I have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow for the dentist.