Still hanging in there.

Have not written here in a while and thought I would share my thoughts.  Still at the job I started back in February.  Love what I do. Actually wake up in the morning ready to go back to work and looking forward to being a healer of those who are suffering.  I know without a doubt this is where i belong.   I have stopped therapy because I truly felt as tho I have healed significantly.  If I am in need of therapy again, I know I will do what I need to move thru whatever happens in my life. After dealing with the abuse since 1987 I know when it is time to work thru an issue.  At this point there are no issues that are pressing for me to deal with. Our son goes as a witness to the accident he had a few months ago.  I wish him well.  He hit a girl who did not look both ways while running across the street to collect garbage.  Our son hit her with his car and had been drinking beer previous to hitting her, but was found not to have a blood alcohol limit that was illegal.  I was so happy for him but I know that made him think and he stopped drinking that very day.   We had to put our dearly beloved cat Scooter to sleep and that was a very painful thing to go thru.  He will be missed.  He was the comfort I needed when I would leave therapy and feel sad or lonely.  He is still in my heart and soul.  Sean, our son, cried that day and felt lost without him.  Glad that our son can show his feelings outwardly.  My hope is that I as his mother taught him that it is okay to show your pain.  He has seen that in me and I have always encourged him to talk about his feelings, no matter what those feelings were.     That is not the case regarding my mother in law but at the age of 91 I am doubtful she will ever open up about how she feels.  She still tries to manipulate the family and play one against the other.  All of the family, Sean, Pat and I know what she is doing and do not fall into her game of guilt.  She tries but we stay away when she is being unreasonable or self centered.  I often hear from friends that i talk to  the old "jeanette she is 91, what can you expect".  I do not see age as a reason for her behavior.  I worked with elderly people at a place where I found 90 year old people very kind and nice and thoughtful.   Age will never be an excuse to be mean and nasty.  She has not done the serious work of healing her past, so I know she will never change.  Now I do not take what she does personally as I did when I first moved here.  It is about her, not about me.  Wow, that is a good place to be.  I know in my heart I have been caring and supportive and never disrespectful of her.  I have stood my ground when she is nasty to me tho.  Lots of I statements of what I will accept and not accept.  So I have grown tremendously in the past few years.  I owe my growth to all the therapy and the friends I have now chosen to be friends.  Without the therapists, the friends who accepted me, I would not have grown as I have.  I will be forever grateful for the love shown me since I have been in therapy.  Seems I now look for caring and genuine people in my life and those who are not are left by the wayside.  I recgonize today that i do deserve love and respect. I have learned many lessons and I see that one of those lessons has been my mother in law.  Had she not been abusive to me, I would have nothing to work on.  I would have had no reason to protect Little Jeanette.  But she gave me a reason to stand up for myself.  She gave me the practice to not take any abuse of any kind.  I look at that as a lesson well learned.  In standing up to her it gave me back the self esteem I was not able to have with the foster parents.   I will always look for the lesson.  I might not like what I am going thru, but there is always a lesson and I await what my next lesson will be.