Still hanging

Well I am still hanging in with not picking back up the bottle.  I have to be honest and admit that tonight has been hard.  I have been wanting a drink really bad tonight.  I have hit a bottom or something tonight.  I would really like to just curl up in a ball, go to sleep and not wake up tomorrow or ever again.  Then I wouldn't have to worry about staying sober or dealing with BP or anything else.  I didn't pick up though.  I really don't want to die drunk.  I want people to be able to say to me......at least she died sober.  I guess this should be a little bit happier since it is a positive goal update but I am just not happy today.  I was up this morning a little aggitated but still up and tonight has been one big thud.  Anyway.......I am still sober.