Still frustrating.....

So my wife thinks she is forcing me to get better and be with her, she does not see things from my perspective. I am not normal 1. judge my self the worst way possible like hell would not even be enough punishment I should endure. 2. I am stubborn I definitely do not think of things that can happen. What if I had gotten better and decided still its best for my wife to start over and fresh love that is not based on lies and have to drain her energy trying to fix my mess. If she moves on and the new person she is worth hurts her I would not even know what to think of that I could end up killing myself because I am responsible. I have always been hopeless till I met my wife I am a scumbag but I can not even begin to think what the hell I would have become without her in life. She is the greatest gift God could ever give probably saw how much I needed it and she knows best for me. So is it forcing or is it looking out and making sure I do not make mistakes. I would have not known at all what to do and how to proceed in getting help, I would even know I have problems in the first place. In all honesty I could better it is in my hands, but there is no way anything good could happen or I make sure i do not anything stupid without. I would nothing in this world she is like my lifetime mentor/teacher/supporter/counselor. She is working on bettering herself to not force people to do things and not try to fix every problem if the person does not want it. I fear that she may think that and her solution like on the forums to stop talking to that person to prevent it all together. I have a bad feeling about this no matter what I cant seem to make decision on my own because I do not see things and understand due to lack of common sense