Still fighting to survive.
I have been deeply depressed since December, and as always, I am slowly starting to win this battle. The main reason for my depression is all the pain and hurting inside me, mostly caused by my unsympathetic and judgmental family!! This time I withdrew myself from my whole family permanently!!!
Since Colleen's passing, I am much more sensitive to any form of negativity coming my way. The ME inside this body is still very raw, and has no more defence against pain and hurting. I have withdrawn inside my little cucoon once again, where I at least feel safe! Especially after being judged and stabbed in the back by my one sister again, I feel so rejected by the whole damn world!!!
Maybe one day I will understand why. Maybe then it will make some kind of sence to me. Until then, I have my own little cucoon where I can slowly try to heal.
Replies
I wish I could be there in person to hear the whole story and give you a big hug. Life is hard, especially after losing our child(ren). I send my prayers for healing during this difficult time. Sending much love, Leda
I wish I could be there to give you a hug and cry with you. It is painful when you can't depend on your own family to be there for you.
Tight hugs, M
Oh, Adelene, my heart is with you and sometimes we just must "divorce" our family for now. It may not be forever, yet for now do all that you can to keep the focus and healing on yourself. Learn to give yourself what they cannot and I understand how painful it can be with those who are our family, and we would just hope they could be compassionate and try to imagine how life feels with such a loss.
You cocoon all that you need to and when you peek out as you have we are always here with loving hearts and arms.
Loving care to Colleen's mum from Douglas and me always,
XO Joanie
Andelene... My computer auto corrects and I do not intentionally mean to spell your name incorrectly, I just don't always catch it.
XXXXXXOOOOO
I am so sorry that your sister is not there for you. It is so hurtful when people around us aren't supportive or they just don't want to be.
I feel safest @ home - even though @ times I'm lonely, I still don't have to "tolerate" people or listen to words that come out of their mouth that are hurtful. I so understand the cocoon......it is truly a safe place to be and I think it's okay from time to time to live there.
I am so glad we have FMO to come to, say whatever we need to say and know that you won't be judged - just loved and understood.
I'm with you in your cocoon for however long you need to be there. (((hugs))) Vicki
Hello Andelene, I am so sorry your family makes you feel more distressed. My family, particularly my "mother" is cruel with words and compounds my pain. I understand.
If you need to withdraw into your cocoon so you can heal and regain some strength, then do it and don't feel bad about your decision. You need to do whatever it is that helps you. I think that makes a lot of sense as well as detaching from family that makes this journey harder. I wish they were supportive but that is not always the case as you know. Love to you and dearest Colleen, Linda