Still Crazy

I just can not get over the fact that Pat is dead, gone, not here with us, He was suppose to be bigger than life, I just don't get it,why? why did this happen? He had a family we were getting our life back here in TN, he was happy. How can anything about this be right? I feel like i'm in a world by myself , I have the kids but they are as confused as I am. It just doesn't make sense to any of us. I hate my life now! I feel like it's all over for me, I just want to die so I can be with him