Still Coming Up With Solutions
Still arguing with my father, but I'm getting smarter. I figured he's elderly, but in good shape. He's basically a child in an adult body. An only child, his mother indulged him, never saying no to anything. This is the result. I'm an only child, too, but my mother didn't want me to end up like my father, so she never spoiled me. I used to joke about it when people would say things like, I bet you're spoiled because you're an only child. I used to say, doesn't work that way for us second generations only children.
Anyhow, seeing that my father is hardly incapable of taking care of himself, and really only needs to have someone run to the store for him, and take him to his medical appointments, I've elected to let him use the service provided by his doctor for pickups. I'll also use a grocery service called Peapod for his food deliveries. I place an order on the internet, and viola, his food arrives. He can cook better than me. I figured betweent the two of these services I may finally get my bloodpressure down. As it is, he's killing me slowly and that wont help him in the end.
So there's my solution. I'll limit the time I spend with him and the things I talk about. Oddly, this was his idea. I mentioned that I didn't understand why he'd become so mean since my husband passed. He said, I've always been this way, it's just that you didn't see me as much. It was one of those duh moments. It is true, I'm seeing him three plus days a week. I'm spending hours with him. I guess I thought I could help him, but I also wanted support from him regarding my husband's passing. He's a widower. Seemed the perfect place to go. But it wasn't. Instead of helping me, he's hurt me, and I don't have the strong armor I once had. Today he told me that my husband said I was incapable of showing love. I know this is not true as my husband was never a fan of my father. He avoided conversation with him, just idly nodding his head. You see, failure to do so, to disagree in any way leads to arguments and threats. My father once threatened to kill my husband because he came up to check on me during an argument. I don't know if my father would have actually have done that, but there are guns in the house. After that, I completly cut off any contact between my husband and father. They saw each other only 5 times in 4 years. Now, my husband has become a saint in my father's eyes.
Fact is, my father has mental issues that have never been diagnosed. He used to be on medication, but that stopped about two years ago. This is the result. Thank God I wasn't affected.
So my solution. I've come to realize that I absolutely must let this go. I love him, but I can't let him destroy me. Instead, I must turn it over to God. I must then not revisit it. And if one day my father actually needs me, he'll have to let me know. It's completly selfish and it hurts me deeply to have to do it, but I have no choice.
My New Year's resolution is to work towards my freedom. That means freedom from grief. Freedom from anger. Freedom from frustration. All these things can and will be achieved if I'm consistent. Of course, in this new journey, I will have moments where I feel weak, where he'll push just the right buttons. That's why I joined the Aging Parents support group. I'm gonna need it.
Anyhow, seeing that my father is hardly incapable of taking care of himself, and really only needs to have someone run to the store for him, and take him to his medical appointments, I've elected to let him use the service provided by his doctor for pickups. I'll also use a grocery service called Peapod for his food deliveries. I place an order on the internet, and viola, his food arrives. He can cook better than me. I figured betweent the two of these services I may finally get my bloodpressure down. As it is, he's killing me slowly and that wont help him in the end.
So there's my solution. I'll limit the time I spend with him and the things I talk about. Oddly, this was his idea. I mentioned that I didn't understand why he'd become so mean since my husband passed. He said, I've always been this way, it's just that you didn't see me as much. It was one of those duh moments. It is true, I'm seeing him three plus days a week. I'm spending hours with him. I guess I thought I could help him, but I also wanted support from him regarding my husband's passing. He's a widower. Seemed the perfect place to go. But it wasn't. Instead of helping me, he's hurt me, and I don't have the strong armor I once had. Today he told me that my husband said I was incapable of showing love. I know this is not true as my husband was never a fan of my father. He avoided conversation with him, just idly nodding his head. You see, failure to do so, to disagree in any way leads to arguments and threats. My father once threatened to kill my husband because he came up to check on me during an argument. I don't know if my father would have actually have done that, but there are guns in the house. After that, I completly cut off any contact between my husband and father. They saw each other only 5 times in 4 years. Now, my husband has become a saint in my father's eyes.
Fact is, my father has mental issues that have never been diagnosed. He used to be on medication, but that stopped about two years ago. This is the result. Thank God I wasn't affected.
So my solution. I've come to realize that I absolutely must let this go. I love him, but I can't let him destroy me. Instead, I must turn it over to God. I must then not revisit it. And if one day my father actually needs me, he'll have to let me know. It's completly selfish and it hurts me deeply to have to do it, but I have no choice.
My New Year's resolution is to work towards my freedom. That means freedom from grief. Freedom from anger. Freedom from frustration. All these things can and will be achieved if I'm consistent. Of course, in this new journey, I will have moments where I feel weak, where he'll push just the right buttons. That's why I joined the Aging Parents support group. I'm gonna need it.
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