still at library
hey, still on library time and by time check my stuff and Suzette's stuff about out of time(1 hr limit) Am doing better so far still don't feel like i am where i was before angel date I am seriously addressing homicidal suicidal thought now(take boys out before myself so they won't suffer) taking more meds and sleeping more. School took David(10) to court for too many bus write ups think driver wants him off for good-i am dealing. Stephen(16) just got driver's permit today so....lot's of anxiety there but dealing. found support group close by meets tonight so am hopeful of that. Feeling very selfish but am told is what i need, have to fix me before everything else. I miss you all so much and am giving all of ya the tightest hug. Also have to move, landlady decideed to tear house down, quess worth more as part of field, TRYING to deal but doing more sticking my head in sand than preparing good thing no hurry yet. you all all in my thought dailey and hoping the very best luv and hugs-Lauri
Replies
Lauri, I think of you and Suzette often. I wish only the best for you and the boys. One moment at a time. I\'m glad to hear you\'ve found a support group close by. I hope you\'ll find some of the answers you need. I\'ve found most answers lie within myself and am trying to make the best decisions I can on a daily basis. Take care of yourself!! Hugs, Teri.
Lauri, it\'s good to hear from you. I\'m sorry to hear you\'re addressing those thoughts. I often felt that way in the early months. Now I have no other explanation other than to say that most days, I just have to \"tuck\" things awayin the back of my mind. On the days it surfaces, I just go with it, however it can be so painful. When I do tuck my thoughts away, I feel as if I am betraying my son by not wanting to think of him. It\'s a lose lose situation but we do the best we can and try to have hope for brighter days. You are loved. Please take care of yourself and your boys. P.S. My third son just got his drivers liscense, so I know your anxiety. Love to you. Robin