still at library

 hey, still on library time and by time check my stuff and Suzette's stuff about out of time(1 hr limit) Am doing better so far still don't feel like i am where i was before angel date I am seriously addressing homicidal suicidal thought now(take boys out before myself so they won't suffer) taking more meds and sleeping more. School took David(10) to court for too many bus write ups think driver wants him off for good-i am dealing. Stephen(16) just got driver's permit today so....lot's of anxiety there but dealing. found support group close by meets tonight so am hopeful of that. Feeling very selfish but am told is what i need, have to fix me before everything else. I miss you all so much and am giving all of ya the tightest hug. Also have to move, landlady decideed to tear house down, quess worth more as part of field, TRYING to deal but doing more sticking my head in sand than preparing good thing no hurry yet.                 you all all in my thought dailey and hoping the very best                                               luv and hugs-Lauri