Step 3 - Mediation
I asked my stbx to meet me next Friday, the 28th, to discuss our divorce. I want to have him get a recommendation from his lawyer for a mediator and I'm going to get one from mine. I'm going to suggest that we go to both and let them help us mediate the spousal support and length of time. That's all we need to settle at this point and I don't think we need our lawyers to do that for us. As long as he's reasonable that is. I've already spent $750 through my lawyer and all I've done is sign his divorce complaint. 1.5 hours to explain it and sign it and copy it - thats already $750. This will cost him a fortune if we go the long way. Anyway, talking to him and going to mediate will be another step closer to ending this nightmare.
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I remember going through this and it\'s just so painful to work through. Every time you meet it just reminds you of what is no longer. But 1 1/2 years out, I can say those memories don\'t come up anymore and I am in a much better place. Not that I don\'t miss the \"family\" unit anymore, but I have found that there is more than the \"illusion of family\". My counseling showed me that I lived with illusion for a long time. And I think it\'s that way with you. We believed and committed, and yet we were the only ones. They were on a different page. As I\'ve read your posts and journals. He was always off hunting and his own life. So I think that\'s what we grieve now. Not them, but what we THOUGHT was our life with them. Hugs my friend. I\'m with you all the way. You deserve to get on with your life. My journal today is about codependency and how to learn to treat yourself good!
I\'m either going to get maintenance for life or until retirement. My state is equal and equitable. Don\'t agree to anything without your attorney giving his approval. My therapist/mediator helped me so much in deciding what to ask for. I had no idea what was fair. I still see her from time to time. My stbx\'s first two offers were pathetic. When you disguss this, try to remain calm. I almost had a heart attack when his first offer came in. I would have been living in a box. We couldn\'t agree and the judge said what she thought was fair and he refused that too. He is now coming around to the judge\'s decision. Good luck and many hugs coming your way.
Chrissy, I think I may have already told you this, but my therapist and my attorney were instrumental in bolstering me to stick to my guns and get what I wanted and needed out of the divorce. He was a total blockhead about it and still ended up having to fork over 70% to me PLUS the big fat alimony payments. Caligirl is right on when she talks about the \"illusions\" we were living. When I look back now I can clearly see that I was the ONLY ONE IN THE MARRIAGE for a very long time. And sld1 is giving you sound advice when she writes \"don\'t agree to anything without your attorney giving approval.\" Absolutely. I look at it this way: seeing how your stbx has already screwed you over emotionally, he wouldn\'t think twice about screwing you over financially. Hang tough! We\'re all in your corner.