Staying positive in tough circumstances

I am trying to stay positive today. I had an impromptu PT session as yesterday was a bust. They have determined that PT isn't helping me. I didn't have deep tissue massage as my back is swollen above my fusion, so the girl did a lymphatic massage to remove the liquid. Hope it works. They tested my reflexes and my strength, my mobility and  asked many questions. In an hour I see my neurosurgeon so I'll update if I can, what he says and recommends. I am reading a book on chronic pain, from a Christian point of view, but with helpful secular references. It reminds me I am not alone in the struggle with pain from DDD. I am loved, a child of God and He is with me during my worst hours. I trust Him to allow only what He feels is best for me. Strangely I've accepted my condition as it has brought me closer to God. I am now glad I was rejected by so-called friends, and even my church. It has made me understand true loving relationships, true friends and realize I had/have control issues that will have to be dwelt with. I tend to get a little OCD when I'm in extreme pain as my surroundings are the only thing I can now control. I recognize it and stop myself. I do wonder if anyone else has weird things they do when they are in pain but think it's rude to ask. Any takers? I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. Ha ha. It is good to have a sense of humor...I've been playing Candy Crush. What a childish waste of time. It sure takes my mind off my pain and my self though. Teaches me patience as I have to wait on the timer until I can play again. No wonder it's so addictive. LOL. More later. I need coffee and a kids book to read until it's time to leave. Praise the Lord for my library and my kindle busting with freebies. What would I do if I couldn't read? Something to be grateful for: eyes to see, ears to hear and mouth to speak words of encouragement to others. No more pity party...even if the diagnosis I get today isn't what I want to hear.