Staying close to Home

I will get to answering all your emails, but I just got back from a few days with my daughter, son-in-law and grandaughters at a beach resort. I think in the back of my mind I knew I shouldn't go, but I wanted to spend some time with them and thought I could help out with the little one. First, let me say that my sadness had nothing to do with them at all, I love them dearly and they are EVERYTHING to me. But I drove down alone, its about 2 hrs and I could feel the anxiety building up. Driving alone, leaving home. Well down there I passed a hotel that 2 yrs ago. Jim and I had stayed in. Well almost, it was so bad when we got there Jim refused and we found another motel. All those memories flooded back. Then I got to their hotel, it was beautiful, I slept on the lower bunk of the beds in my grandaughters room. The beach and pool was beautiful, but I just kept thinking how Jim should be here, how we walked the beach together.I had his chair and just kept thinking how he SHOULD be here . I felt so lonely without him, and like here I am sitting on the beach and he is buried in a cemetary. My heart was breaking even more.... I kept it all in because I really did not want to upset the kids. I just kept thinking how I will never have him beside me again. I left to come back home last night which was planned anyway. I cried all the way home.... It is just so hard for me right now, I will talk with you all later. Thanks for being there all of my friends...... Hugs, Alice