Stayed Busy Still So Sad

Hi all, today we just did a lot of running around.  Going to church tonight.  I always get sad when I'm going to church, does that make sense.  Well, I always seem to sit down at the piano about an hour before and maybe the words just get to  me.  Most songs I am doing on play time I don't know then I start reading the words and then start getting sad.  It seems I feel irritable a lot.  Just the smallest thing I just get not mad just like why didn't we just do it that way the first time.  Oh well.  Maybe that is part of it.
The other thing it just seems there is just no place but here to talk.  Don't get me wrong I love this place, but I would just like to pour out my pain to someone who is facing me and understands.  The timing for support groups are not there right now for me so I have to wait that is even if I want to go I really really don't know.  I think I feel lost today.
Seems like I always am having to tell someone I lost my son, not because they care, but because that want a answer to a question why I was out of town.  They don't care, and don't understand and I understand that too.  It's a crazy world losing your child.  I feel more numb now at times.  I had some good crying this weekend but it was over a lot of things, but I sure do miss Kenny,
Kenny, to you I want you to know I love you and miss you so bad.  I wish you had not had to go.  I can make no sense of it.  And you know mom she always has to know the reason, and I just can't get one.  I don't think there is.  I am happy you are well, but I want you to be here and to be well. This spring I am going to fix a special place for you in the back yard so I can go out and sit and just talk to you.
St. Patty's day is coming so that's the day dad Papaw went to Heaven so tell him we miss him too and are lonely without you both.  Alicia says she loves you both so much.  Well, mom's going to church right now so I will be back soon and write you more.  Just remember I love and miss you, Mom.