Stayed at home
I know I stay home every day, so it shouldn't be different that I stayed home today, but I was supposed to go with the in laws again over to their house and I just couldn't take one more day with them. Especially not today... I'm just not stable today. I know it's because of my impending TOM and all that fun girl stuff, but I also need to take control myself and tell myself that just because it's my TOM it doesn't give me license to do whatever I want. I just knew that today was not a day to be going over to Geo's dad's place. I'm tired and not feeling well, and it's 10pm and Geo is still not going to be home anytime soon. He just called me and told me. My nightly routine was off again, but at least I'm at home so I can deal with it a bit better than if I was out. I took my pills on time instead of late like I have been because I've been out. I took my morning pills late, but I remembered to take them at least.
So it's the 4th of July and outside everyone is having fun with fireworks and all that stuff. I'm sitting at home with the blinds closed. Fireworks get my Borderline going and start me mood swinging. I'm already dealing with mood swings from so many other different angles I decided that I didn't need one more thing to push me up to make me come crashing down. That happens to me when I see fireworks a lot of the time- I get emotionally high and then come crashing down. I get really high, like almost hypomanic or manic. I just go into a state of elation and then when they are over I feel like crap as I come crashing down. I'm just being a Scrooge and staying inside.
I went grocery shopping today and got a bunch of food... I got salad and baby carrots and all this good stuff. I'm not hungry, though. I did have some Chinese food for lunch and dinner (and pizza for breakfast) so I was over my calories for the day again but oh well. I just didn't have food at home so I ordered Chinese. Geo's dad took me to the store later (oh, the joys of not having a car) and I know better than to go shopping while hungry. I spend so much more money on junk I don't need. I was at the store and Geo asked me if I wanted to get any sweets and I said no. Had I not eaten before, I would have walked out of there with a bunch of junk food and eaten more calories over the next couple days than I ate today in the Chinese food. Tomorrow is going to be a healthy food day. I did horrible on my sodium as I knew I would, but oh well. Tomorrow is another day and I can make it better eating better. Now I have good food anyway.
Stress- I got really stressed today at the store. I was just finishing checking out, and Diana (Geo's stepmom) called and asked me to get cupcakes because she forgot. I got a bunch of calls from her and just managed to get the last one because I was feeling my pockets to pay. It was too late for me to get them on the cart I just finished checking out, so I had to leave my cart full of food and go back into the store and get the cupcakes. I was so stressed I wanted to scream but just got the cupcakes and went to the car. I hate being told to do things at the last minute, and I hate having to make up for other people's stupidity. She knows when her son's birthday is, it's her fault for not getting the cupcakes. He already had a cake anyway, why does he need more cupcakes? He's getting fat. Okay, I'm ranting, I need to stop this and try and focus on better things.
Mood- swinging today, with the stress and just everything. Sleep- I took an hour nap and got about 11 hours of divided sleep last night. I was up at 8am for about an hour and had to take another klonopin to knock myself out. But I didn't have to take any last night, so it's okay.
So it's the 4th of July and outside everyone is having fun with fireworks and all that stuff. I'm sitting at home with the blinds closed. Fireworks get my Borderline going and start me mood swinging. I'm already dealing with mood swings from so many other different angles I decided that I didn't need one more thing to push me up to make me come crashing down. That happens to me when I see fireworks a lot of the time- I get emotionally high and then come crashing down. I get really high, like almost hypomanic or manic. I just go into a state of elation and then when they are over I feel like crap as I come crashing down. I'm just being a Scrooge and staying inside.
I went grocery shopping today and got a bunch of food... I got salad and baby carrots and all this good stuff. I'm not hungry, though. I did have some Chinese food for lunch and dinner (and pizza for breakfast) so I was over my calories for the day again but oh well. I just didn't have food at home so I ordered Chinese. Geo's dad took me to the store later (oh, the joys of not having a car) and I know better than to go shopping while hungry. I spend so much more money on junk I don't need. I was at the store and Geo asked me if I wanted to get any sweets and I said no. Had I not eaten before, I would have walked out of there with a bunch of junk food and eaten more calories over the next couple days than I ate today in the Chinese food. Tomorrow is going to be a healthy food day. I did horrible on my sodium as I knew I would, but oh well. Tomorrow is another day and I can make it better eating better. Now I have good food anyway.
Stress- I got really stressed today at the store. I was just finishing checking out, and Diana (Geo's stepmom) called and asked me to get cupcakes because she forgot. I got a bunch of calls from her and just managed to get the last one because I was feeling my pockets to pay. It was too late for me to get them on the cart I just finished checking out, so I had to leave my cart full of food and go back into the store and get the cupcakes. I was so stressed I wanted to scream but just got the cupcakes and went to the car. I hate being told to do things at the last minute, and I hate having to make up for other people's stupidity. She knows when her son's birthday is, it's her fault for not getting the cupcakes. He already had a cake anyway, why does he need more cupcakes? He's getting fat. Okay, I'm ranting, I need to stop this and try and focus on better things.
Mood- swinging today, with the stress and just everything. Sleep- I took an hour nap and got about 11 hours of divided sleep last night. I was up at 8am for about an hour and had to take another klonopin to knock myself out. But I didn't have to take any last night, so it's okay.
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