Starting to get better on my own.

It's been a few weeks since our last contact, or I should say, the last time I contacted her. She has called a couple times for stupid stuff, but I did not answer. I still have my moments when I am really missing her, but they are getting fewer and farther between. The other times, I am just missing the memories, not her. Don't know if that makes any sense or not, but I can understand it. Learning to be by myself is hard at times, but for the most part, I am getting used to it. Some days are foggy and muddled by emotions I cannot control. Like yesterday, I watched movies and cried during certain scenes that I normally would have just teared up at. Some days I am just plodding along like a robot from the movies. I have temporarily shut myself off from caring what happens to anyone other than me and my son. It is safe that way. Tried to go to church yesterday, but just didn't have the motivation. One of those foggy and muddled days. Still no date for court yet, and the longer it drags out, the more nerve racking it gets. I just want it to be over. I want to get past her and the all the hard feelings. I don't hate her. Sometimes I wish I could, but it just isn't in me. I pray for her and for God to watch over her always. Love is a complicated thing. You never really stop loving someone, once it is there, it is there.