Starting to Come Down
I'm just doing okay today. I got plenty of sleep last night, 12 hours, but I just feel off. I went grocery shopping and forgot a bunch of things that I should have gotten... I just felt so crappy that I didn't want to be there. We don't have a car, so we depend on either the bus or Geo's parents to take us to the store. I was just on the computer today, not feeling well when we got the call that Geo's stepmom was on her way over. I hate that they don't give us any warning, but what else can we do? For the big trips or heavy things, there's nothing we can do but use someone's car, so we are at their mercy. The important thing is that the shopping is done and I just need to make one more quick run to the store tomorrow and get a couple things that I couldn't get today. Geo was mad at me because I forgot some stuff, but I explained to him why and he calmed down. I still have some issues from today that I need to discuss with him, but I will save that for when I'm done with this so I can process it a bit more. I'm talking to a friend of mine who I can count on about it.
I don't know what was wrong with me today... I just felt off and crappy for the most part. Well, my happy song is playing now, so hopefully it will cheer me up. It's funny, my happy song is "F--- You" by Cee Lo Green. It's got such a good beat, and it's kinda funny too if you know the music video. I do feel a bit better after listening to that song, but at the same time I'm not feeling the same as I have been for the past week or so. I don't know why... maybe that stuff with my dad is coming back? I know the reason I was trying to force it before was because I was in a good mood and could deal with it, rather than it coming when I'm depressed when I don't know what to do with it. I question why I'm doing good for a long time, not only to figure out how to stay good most of the time, but also to see if there's anything I can do when I'm down to get back up on my feet again. I want to know what's different so I can hopefully have something to fall back on when I'm not feeling so great.
Thanks everyone for commenting on my journals. It means a lot to me to know I have people reading my journal, and actually reading through each novel I write on a daily basis. I may have to go soon, since my eyes are clouding over and that normally means that I won't be able to see so well soon. I get tired, and my eyes get all cloudy. And last night, when I was so tired and wanted to sleep? I lay down at 9:45 but didn't sleep until after midnight. Tonight I don't want a similar night, so I'm doing my journal early and going to take my pills and lie down early so I can fall asleep on time.
I'm hungry, and I should be, since I'm way under my calories for the day, but it's so hard lately for me to meet my calories. The past couple days I've been way under, and I need to eat something to get myself over. I have some fiber one bars and some wheat thins that I like, which I can eat. I wanted crackers last night, and now I have some yay! I got them at Target, where we went before we went to the store, since Geo's stepmom needed to get some things for Geo's brother (he's 9) going back to school. I was hungry, so I got myself some crackers to hold my stomach over until I could get home and eat something proper.
Stress today was bad, with Geo and I being upset at each other, but we got over it and feel better now. Food should be getting a bit better when I go eat something more, and sleep, well, I feel like I didn't sleep at all but I probably slept a bit too much. I had to take Restoril last night, so that's the third night in a row of benzo-induced sleep. I don't like that idea, so I'm going to be careful tonight and try not to take anything for sleep. If I wake up at 6am, all the better because I have to go to sleep early, so I will be tired and need to go to sleep. I'm going to be at my mom's from Tuesday to next Tuesday, but I should be able to get on and do my journals and chat with my weight loss buddy.
I don't know what was wrong with me today... I just felt off and crappy for the most part. Well, my happy song is playing now, so hopefully it will cheer me up. It's funny, my happy song is "F--- You" by Cee Lo Green. It's got such a good beat, and it's kinda funny too if you know the music video. I do feel a bit better after listening to that song, but at the same time I'm not feeling the same as I have been for the past week or so. I don't know why... maybe that stuff with my dad is coming back? I know the reason I was trying to force it before was because I was in a good mood and could deal with it, rather than it coming when I'm depressed when I don't know what to do with it. I question why I'm doing good for a long time, not only to figure out how to stay good most of the time, but also to see if there's anything I can do when I'm down to get back up on my feet again. I want to know what's different so I can hopefully have something to fall back on when I'm not feeling so great.
Thanks everyone for commenting on my journals. It means a lot to me to know I have people reading my journal, and actually reading through each novel I write on a daily basis. I may have to go soon, since my eyes are clouding over and that normally means that I won't be able to see so well soon. I get tired, and my eyes get all cloudy. And last night, when I was so tired and wanted to sleep? I lay down at 9:45 but didn't sleep until after midnight. Tonight I don't want a similar night, so I'm doing my journal early and going to take my pills and lie down early so I can fall asleep on time.
I'm hungry, and I should be, since I'm way under my calories for the day, but it's so hard lately for me to meet my calories. The past couple days I've been way under, and I need to eat something to get myself over. I have some fiber one bars and some wheat thins that I like, which I can eat. I wanted crackers last night, and now I have some yay! I got them at Target, where we went before we went to the store, since Geo's stepmom needed to get some things for Geo's brother (he's 9) going back to school. I was hungry, so I got myself some crackers to hold my stomach over until I could get home and eat something proper.
Stress today was bad, with Geo and I being upset at each other, but we got over it and feel better now. Food should be getting a bit better when I go eat something more, and sleep, well, I feel like I didn't sleep at all but I probably slept a bit too much. I had to take Restoril last night, so that's the third night in a row of benzo-induced sleep. I don't like that idea, so I'm going to be careful tonight and try not to take anything for sleep. If I wake up at 6am, all the better because I have to go to sleep early, so I will be tired and need to go to sleep. I'm going to be at my mom's from Tuesday to next Tuesday, but I should be able to get on and do my journals and chat with my weight loss buddy.
Replies