Starting over again
I am happy & I am sad. I saw him on 3 separate occasions this week. A good friend of ours died so we were both around the family and at the funeral. It was weird and uncomfortable being around each other in the same group of people that we were always together with. We were like doing some kind of dance, slipping back in forth from acting like a couple to acting like mere acquaintances. And then after the funeral, at our friends home, he got a little drunk (imagine that?) and I was so disgusted with him. He was being crude and obnoxious & he kept hitting on me and trying to kiss me. I didn't want to embarrass him or make a scene, but I was so embarrassed for him, so sad for him. He was doing the same number on me back & forth with how wonderful I am & how screwed up I am. I just didn't respond.
I know he didn't used to be this way. I'm sure he wasn't. Maybe I was just so blind to his faults, but I think he is deteriorating so much, faster and faster. He is losing his personality to his booze. I am sad about this but . . . I don't ever want him back. I really can't pretend in any way that I want to be with this man. I'm giving him up. No Contact is now at 26 hours and counting.
That was the sad, now for the happy
I think I will get the apartment. I should know for sure in the next few days. I SO want my own space where I have more than one room - where I can get all my stuff together! This apartment has a large yard with fruit trees!! I also took some of the baby clothes that I have sewn & crocheted to a nice boutique and the owner has requested that I make some items for her shop! I am busy working on baby sandals, rompers & toddler shirts. I'm also hoping to open up an Etsy shop soon. I have so many ideas of things I want to make. If I get the apartment, one room will be my work room.
The best thing is that my head is full now with ideas & plans for the apartment, for things to create and thrift shops to visit for apartment stuff and places to apply for jobs. My head isn't full of him. He still takes up a bit of space, but I have got control of ME back from him. I will never give the control of ME up again.
I know he didn't used to be this way. I'm sure he wasn't. Maybe I was just so blind to his faults, but I think he is deteriorating so much, faster and faster. He is losing his personality to his booze. I am sad about this but . . . I don't ever want him back. I really can't pretend in any way that I want to be with this man. I'm giving him up. No Contact is now at 26 hours and counting.
That was the sad, now for the happy
I think I will get the apartment. I should know for sure in the next few days. I SO want my own space where I have more than one room - where I can get all my stuff together! This apartment has a large yard with fruit trees!! I also took some of the baby clothes that I have sewn & crocheted to a nice boutique and the owner has requested that I make some items for her shop! I am busy working on baby sandals, rompers & toddler shirts. I'm also hoping to open up an Etsy shop soon. I have so many ideas of things I want to make. If I get the apartment, one room will be my work room.
The best thing is that my head is full now with ideas & plans for the apartment, for things to create and thrift shops to visit for apartment stuff and places to apply for jobs. My head isn't full of him. He still takes up a bit of space, but I have got control of ME back from him. I will never give the control of ME up again.
Replies
Fantastic! (the happy bits) The apartment sounds wonderful -- I really hope you get it. I love how you are now full of creative ideas. The happiest people I know are the ones who have a head full of ideas that they can\'t wait to get started on. I\'m working toward that myself. (My problem is not so much lack of ideas as ability to follow through...) Anyway, great to read. Keep us posted!
Also, good for you for holding strong despite seeing him. That sounds like it must have been incredibly challenging. It\'s terribly sad when you know the good side of someone, to see them go downhill. I have the same thing with my guy, who (tragically) is bent on destroying himself. It\'s taken a long time (and much heartache) to learn that this is not my responsibility and to dissociate. The older I get, the more it seems to me that the best I can do for anyone is live the life I want to live, make myself happy and fulfilled and in that way, serve as a kind of positive role model. Anyway, I\'m SO inspired by your baby clothes making activities. Way to go!
I am so happy for you. You are doing this!
I\'m really happy for you. You\'ve done so well in all of this, you have to know this was the \"right\" decision for you! I love to crochet, I just finished a blanket for my friends daughter who just had a baby. It was very therapeutic to get back to my crocheting! Nice and uplifting post, again I\'m so happy for you.
This sounds so exciting! Good for you on the crafty stuff, I really admire creative people. I hope you get the confirmation on your apartment soon.