Starting again

After numerous starts and stops, I have realized that I can't be on that rollercoaster anymore. I am at my all-time heaviest weight of 290lbs! I outweigh my husband by more than 100 lbs and that makes me feel sick. To top it off, there is a history of heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes and diabetes in my family. I know it's my own fault that I have let things get this far but I feel so lost trying to find my way back. I was once a fitness fanatic and loved the euphoria I got after a great workout. Not to mention I was in the Army and being fit was a priority. I thrived on eating well and maintaining my physical fitness and even achieved the Army Physical Fitness patch for scoring 290 on my PT tests out of a possible 300. I look back on those days and become so angry and frustrated with myself and feel like a total and utter failure. I don't feel as though I have a support group to keep me motivated and encourage me when I start to fall. My husband tries but with him being half way around the world and never having to deal with obesity, it makes it hard for him to completely understand what I am dealing with. Most of my friends are military or in otherwise fairly good shape and so I don't feel like they would be able to understand my struggles either. I want to lose the weight. Not just to look good but to feel good about myself. I want to be able to do the things I've always dreamt of doing but have been too fat to do them. I want to be a positive influence for my children so that they don't have to grow up overweight and deal with what I have had to for the past 14 years but most of all, I want to live a long, healthy life with my husband when he finally returns home from Afghanistan and be able to watch our children grow and have children of their own. I need help and I need to start now before it's too late.