starting

This is the first time I've really spoken about this. I was depressed a few years ago and it took me a long time to accept it but I never told anyone. I felt like if I told someone it would make me worse - suddenly I wouldn't have an excuse to pretend everything was OK and I would become even more self-indulgent than I was. I've read a lot on the subject and I know it's not my fault but I still feel that I should "pull myself together" and stop being pathetic. I tried life changes but they didn't work. Somehow eventually I came out of it and went back to "normal".
Recently I've started to feel like I'm heading back down again. I have been crying a lot for no reason and I feel totally unmotivated and useless. I have had some health problems which have shaken me up and also have some problems with my love life but I have been accepting of those until recently. My life has also been changing and maybe the uncertainty is also a contributing factor but I am panicked at the thought of heading back down into the depression I suffered before.
I know I should talk to someone but I don't feel ready to burden anyone with these feelings.