staggering on...!
My dear friends
I haven't written for a little while - D and I have been at various hospitals every day this week, plus had a guest staying (my wonderful mum - a stalwart in the garden, and she's quite transformed it! So lovely, as neither D nor I have been able to do anything there for a few weeks).
D had a scan today, but we won't get the results till a week on Monday (unless we get a phonecall at the end of next week. A possibility) - it seems like this has become almost routine, and I think I'm expecting to hear 'stable'. Oh dear, it will be a shock if anything different and I shouldn't be counting chickens, I know. The nerves are there, as ever, but it's a case of heads down and try not to think about it for the next 10 days. Having them every 6 weeks means that they come around all too soon...your prayers will never go amiss...
He's still in a lot of pain when walking, and I do feel that his horizons are narrowing a little, which makes me so sad - the next step would have to be a wheelchair, and he's incredibly anti that. Which I completely understand. It's not the cancer that's directly causing the pain, we don't think, but rather 'referred pain' from the pelvic tumour, plus the fact that his thigh muscle is seriously wasted. So he's going to see a physio for this on Tuesday, plus a 'bio-mechanic' (??) for problems he has with his heel due to his difficult gait when walking. So I'm hoping so much that he'll get back some of his ability to walk without extreme pain. We were in York yesterday, and he was reduced to tears by pain and frustration, which was just awful to see.
And yet - in general he feels good emotionally, and still really believes in the possibility of cure. This is the essential key to his keeping going I think.
I got my cast off yesterday, and it's been replaced with something that looks like a gigantic ski-boot! Not at all attractive, and very hot, but at least I can put a little weight on it, which makes things like hanging out the washing that much easier. (It was a bit of a side-show, watching me doing it on one leg!). Friends keep telling me how stoical I'm being (they wouldn't think so if they could see inside my head!), but honestly to whine and complain would really make a mockery of what my darling D, and so many others, are going through.
I think of all of you each day, and send much love.
I haven't written for a little while - D and I have been at various hospitals every day this week, plus had a guest staying (my wonderful mum - a stalwart in the garden, and she's quite transformed it! So lovely, as neither D nor I have been able to do anything there for a few weeks).
D had a scan today, but we won't get the results till a week on Monday (unless we get a phonecall at the end of next week. A possibility) - it seems like this has become almost routine, and I think I'm expecting to hear 'stable'. Oh dear, it will be a shock if anything different and I shouldn't be counting chickens, I know. The nerves are there, as ever, but it's a case of heads down and try not to think about it for the next 10 days. Having them every 6 weeks means that they come around all too soon...your prayers will never go amiss...
He's still in a lot of pain when walking, and I do feel that his horizons are narrowing a little, which makes me so sad - the next step would have to be a wheelchair, and he's incredibly anti that. Which I completely understand. It's not the cancer that's directly causing the pain, we don't think, but rather 'referred pain' from the pelvic tumour, plus the fact that his thigh muscle is seriously wasted. So he's going to see a physio for this on Tuesday, plus a 'bio-mechanic' (??) for problems he has with his heel due to his difficult gait when walking. So I'm hoping so much that he'll get back some of his ability to walk without extreme pain. We were in York yesterday, and he was reduced to tears by pain and frustration, which was just awful to see.
And yet - in general he feels good emotionally, and still really believes in the possibility of cure. This is the essential key to his keeping going I think.
I got my cast off yesterday, and it's been replaced with something that looks like a gigantic ski-boot! Not at all attractive, and very hot, but at least I can put a little weight on it, which makes things like hanging out the washing that much easier. (It was a bit of a side-show, watching me doing it on one leg!). Friends keep telling me how stoical I'm being (they wouldn't think so if they could see inside my head!), but honestly to whine and complain would really make a mockery of what my darling D, and so many others, are going through.
I think of all of you each day, and send much love.
Replies
Meriel - Will pray for peace of mind while you wait for scan results. It\'s so difficult to see the pain. How long has he been having pain while walking? My hubby also has a pelvic tumor, and pain on walking. How\'s his energy level? Hope the physio can help to increase his strength. And glad to hear you are progressing! Must be great to get the cast off. Much love to you both, Take care - Karen
Hi my dear Meriel,
thank you for your update, i\'m so sorry to hearabout D\'sterrible pain while walking, i understand this very much as with Tim\'s legs and feet are so bad and the pain and hardness of walking is getting worse.. A cane or walker may have to happen next which Tim is no way ready for mentally..I wish you both the best of luck with the results of the scan, my thoughts and prayers are with you both..
Love,
Becca
Thank you Karen and Becca, for your prayers and your love. Karen - he\'s had pain while walking since months before the diagnosis - it was being treated as a sports injury for months, and was what finally prompted the CT scan and everything after that.. It was being controlled well with (v strong) painkillers for a while, but recently has reared its ugly head again. Becca - D has had a stick for many months now, and he actually decided himself it was what he needed - he was quite embarrassed suggesting it, but it really did give him back his legs in many ways, though took quite some getting used to.
Goodnight to you both x x x x
Hi Sweetie,
What a joy to have your mum there! Sounds like she\'s working hard to make things nice for you and D. Bless her heart.
Waiting on test results is very frustrating. Unfortunately, it\'s part of living with cancer. I will continue to pray that D\'s cancer will still be \"stable\". As we know... that\'s the next best thing to \"it\'s gone\"! Love you, Hon.
Ingrid
Dear Meriel,
It is so difficult to watch our loved ones hurt. I\'m sorry D is having so much pain. I will keep D and you in my prayers and heart as you have kept M and I in yours. I just know that all the love and prayers sent for M helped. I believe they will help D too. I\'m glad your mother is there with you and that you\'ve been upgraded to a walking cast... (I\'m envious as I still have two months of no weight bearing!). Please try and keep your spirits up my dear Meriel.... I hope to hear that the scan results were good and that D is feeling better. Love, Linda