Spring is here
well today i dropped off my little man at pre-school and my dad called me to go for a ride. I went to his house and I said "where to Pop??" and he said he wanted to go get some herbs to plant. So we went up to this nursery where my mom and I used to go to all the time and we bought some basil, thyme,parsley etc. I went to the flowers and my mom loved African violets (the really bright purple ones) and I said remember how mommy had them on the window sill near the sink? and he said let's get a few. So we did, and he got a few other things and we went home and walked around the yard and got some pots ready for planting. I said let's do this in a few weeks (closer to the 2nd week of May) and plant them. So, we are going to do the plants together. I will get my sister to join us. It was a gorgeous day, 85 degrees. I found two bright red tulips bloomed already. None of the others even have buds. but there they were, growing so beautiful, near a pine tree where my mom and I never planted bulbs there. The cherry blossom tree that we planted to honor her has so many flowers on it, and it makes me sad, b/c this is her favorite time of year. I miss doing these things with her. But, it was nice to spend the day with my Dad. I wish he would open up more to me. I miss the talks with her.
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Yesterday was 3 months since my KIM passed. I thought it was 4 but I was wrong. I lost my sense of time. In seem like time is moving so slow. I wanted to thank you for your reply. Kim also lost her mom and dad to cancer. Her dad when she was around 7 and her mother at 28. Like you her mom meant everything to her. Kim looked to her mom for everything. Everyone loved her. I visit both of them every Sunday morning. They are buried pretty close to each other in the same area. Its good to hear about your day with your dad. The last sentence you said you wished your dad would open up more to you. It made me think of me and my daughter. I do not bring up her mother because I think its too painful for her. I think she does not bring it up because she wants to spare me the pain. Maybe we are working against each other, Im not sure. Do you open up to your dad? Planting a tree in her honor is a great idea. Maybe one day I will:
Her values and strength will be its roots, her unwavering faith will be its bark, Her passion for life will run through its leaves. Her unconditional love will be its essence and its flowers will bloom like her beautiful smile, and its branches will reach for me in the wind, and I will remember her.... her soft words, the security of her embrace and the warmth of her love...I will remember her.
You have such a way with your words, it is beautiful and true. You are right you know, I don\'t want my father to be in pain so I don\'t \"bring it up\" but some days, I am overwhelmed with emotion and I say hug me pop, hug me like you mean it. I am not implying that he doesn\'t mean it, but he knows my Mom gave the BEST hugs ever, and she meant them. You know when there is someone that hugs you and then those that really mean them. I miss that alot. I wish he would talk more, he never was one to talk. She was everything to him, and I get that, so I know that it is hard. He talked alot the first month, I think b/c we were all so shocked by it all. My father was the one who had a heart attack 12 years ago, my Mom was never sick a day in her life and so he says it should have been him. He came here yesterday for dinner, sat with my boys (8,6,3) and played with him. But he looked up at me and said \"mommy would know what to play with them, they loved her\" and i said \"they love you too, stop trying to teach them something and just play with them\" She was a on the floor, horsey ride kinda gal, always laughing. He is more serious, teacher-like, always wanting you to learn something. I suppose, he needs to learn too!
Anyway, I wish you better days to come. Let your family and friends help you. Time definately moves slow but then you turn around and the day is ending and its tomorrow. I know that Kim\'s love will keep you strong! Talk to your daughter, and tell her its OK to talk about her with you. If she is like her Mom in anyway, tell her. I love to hear people say to me, that\'s just what your Mom would have said or done. Then i feel closer to her.
I wish you days to come that will bring you at peace and remember all the wonderful memories you had with your Kim. Hugs!
Hello, new friend of mine. I have been reading your journals, and I have to say I shed some tears. My two daughters had a hard time talking to me about their dad, and it took me months to convince them that it was OK. To be honest, I think they found it hard just to talk about him anyway - they adored him and the feeling was mutual.
I love the way you describe everything you do, but mostly I admire the way you express what you feel. Your mum knew how much you loved her, and she loved you and your family in return. That is a wonderful thing, and not everyone has that in their lives.
Anniversaries, and the days leading up to them are hard to deal with. You will make it through, because others are relying on you - I know, it is the same for me.
God Bless you and keep you strong, sweet friend.
Mary