Split Down The Middle
I did have another meeting with the attorney today. I came with the trusty list of assets and debts. She did give me a few creative ideas to split things between us. Also an option to possibly trim down the debt. The thing is, I neeed to get him on board with the plan (or compromise without bleeding each other dry)
I did get myself so worried about this whole deal, I was actually feeling nautious and I have such a kink in my shoulder.(LOrd, if I only had a masseusse)
There is something very sad to come to splitting down the middle all that which we have spent our entire lives working for and building up.
Replies
Yes hopefully he agrees to it. If not, it can be lengthy and expensive. Hugs.
Fingers crossed for you <3
If he doesn't agree, punch him in the face. You may go to jail. But for five minutes, you'll feel better! lol
Joking.... of course..... But sounds fun, doesn't it?
Well, he has just shot me down again. @Seamus, I do love your idea. lol
Ask him for his proposal now.
He shot you down?? SHOT YOU DOWN?? AGAIN!!?? Um... Repeat after me: "This isn't a topic of discussion. We aren't 'debating' this, and your opinion on the topic does not interest me. Let me say it again, so we are clear: WE. ARE. GETTING. DIVORCED. Now, be a dear and run along and get me another vodka tonic."
Veggiequeen, hugs my friend. I know the feeling. No matter what you say or do to be reasonable, they will not agree. My sweet innocent ex was and still is the same. Control freaks. But if you are reasonable and the court see that you are, they will nail him one. There is nothing you can do with his attitude, but everything you can do with yours. I know it is easier said than done. You need to calm down. Things will work out in the end. Do not agree or sign anything you get from him. And one more thing, this is my favourite. When you see him, smile, that nice slow smile of a King Cobra ready to strike, turn around and walk away. You do not owe him anything. That will bother him more than anything you can say or do. Go no contact as much as possible. Smile and be gentle to yourself, you deserve it
I'm sorry but if you want to just talk, I will listen.
Does he have a lawyer yet? I say this because my ex had these pie in the sky ideas of taking the kids, the house and the rest of the money he didn't already spend on that new house - and leaving me in the gutter to die. He had no idea what the law was and what the realities would be. It tooks months and months of my lawyer (and his) shoving the reality in his face before he finally understood.
In my state, if the non-filing partner (defendant) doesn't respond within 45 days of the filing of the complaint, then the court "could" just award everything the filer (plaintiff) asked for. Your stbx might just sit on his hands and not even get a lawyer. In PA, if your stbx doesn't respond to the complaint, the divorce may proceed anyway, but by not responding, he waives representation and protection of his rights. It might be better for you if he does nothing. As I learned, I wasted a lot of my time on energy on trying to get my ex "on board".
He doesn't have a lawyer, a proposal or any clue how hard this is on me. (Well, maybe he does) After arguing both times we talked today, I, once again, went silent stuffing my words, thoughts, feelings behind tears. He was completely fine. He did realize and took me aside...and tried to reassure me that he really wants to try and not "throw away the last 15 years" (My problem is, I am wondering where has he been for the last 10)
In my mind though those tears are still coming, because I realize I will again still be missing big parts of my life that most women are lucky enough to have. I Sorry, I am just having a very rough time.
I originally was told when I filed, if all went well, we waited 90 days til it went before the judge. If he fights it, then I would have to prove separation and intention and be separated for an entire year. All the while, hearings and court costs racking up when neither of us have tons of funds to throw away.
Nice advice jojored,
By the way, each time I type jojored it goes to the word, honored.
Its a pain. I'll stick to not answering you, lol
VQ keep strong. I would just stop trying to talk to and negotiate with him. He made a feeble effort (comfort you? no way) to maintain the status quo - we know it was only to save his own behind. His words were to reassure HIM, not you, that HE wants that status quo of you being nurse, mom, caretaker, etc.
I say leave him be. Go do your thing with the lawyer, and don't even mention anything to him about divorce. Keep your intentions from this point forward private, you don't need him to sabotage your plans. He just might do nothing, and won't even know that by doing nothing, he is in effect saying that he agrees to your term.
Is it really a problem to prove intention and separation? Not being intimate for years is surely evidence enough that a separation of sorts has been in progress all these years.
Please don't lie down and be stepped over. Get up! You can do this. You can survive a year if you have to (I did). Keep your end goal of your peaceful little abode in sight. And (not meaning to be harsh) please stop thinking that you'll never have what those lucky women have. You can if you keep on track. You don't have to play the victim. This is the time for you to be your own hero!!!