Split
Split
November 18, 2011
I am split between dimensions again. Once the depression starts creeping in I seek solace in the online me that can still do all sorts of things. Digitally I am travelling mountains and fighting battles allowing the actual me to sink deeper since I am more and more inclined to sit still and not show my head outside. When I’m depressed I want to forget I exist and this is a lot easier when my thoughts are starting to get occupied with my various online identities. It’s like I get to give up my bodily existence in favour of the digital one, which is good enough of a surrogate for my depression instead of just crawling into bed and trying to sleep my memories of a life away.
I am aware things are heading the wrong way but at the same time my cravings are stronger. Plus I still get to experience some fun without having to struggle badly for it.
As careless as I am now under all of this I know how pained I am going to be by it later.
I am beginning to realise it never does quite stop.
November 18, 2011
I am split between dimensions again. Once the depression starts creeping in I seek solace in the online me that can still do all sorts of things. Digitally I am travelling mountains and fighting battles allowing the actual me to sink deeper since I am more and more inclined to sit still and not show my head outside. When I’m depressed I want to forget I exist and this is a lot easier when my thoughts are starting to get occupied with my various online identities. It’s like I get to give up my bodily existence in favour of the digital one, which is good enough of a surrogate for my depression instead of just crawling into bed and trying to sleep my memories of a life away.
I am aware things are heading the wrong way but at the same time my cravings are stronger. Plus I still get to experience some fun without having to struggle badly for it.
As careless as I am now under all of this I know how pained I am going to be by it later.
I am beginning to realise it never does quite stop.
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