Spiritual Hesitation

I don't really know where to start but im having a real true battle here i feel like im torn in soo many directions its crazy. My faith My spiritual Walk or whatever u want to call it just feels like im SPIRITUALLY Bipolar or something. I havent healed correctly or gone by doing it the right way after getting burnt/ burn out and worn out of Christians attacking me in soo many different ways within the church walls!!! Ive always felt like i was the black sheep that doesn't ever fit into anything!!! Im nothing but a lie. I literally DONT want anything to do with Christianity BUT i know that is the only way to get into heaven BUT ive been SOOO hurt from CHRISTIANITY and everything ive been thru that i want to start off fresh and new in a new religion New belief and all. But what MY bipolar aunt did to me and other christians within the church. I no longer go to church not even online! I feel like im being called to be a buddhist really!