Speechless and Mystified

I don't event know how to go about starting this journal entry.  On Wednesday night the kids' mom and their caseworker came for a second visit at our house.  To put it mildly, I am VERY uncomfortable with her in my home.  She is 23 with two small children, who acts like a big sister to them, rather than a mother.  Anyways... DH sensed the anxiety building when they got there on Wednesday and suggested that I run errands and go to the gym while they were there for their TWO HOUR visit- something that I am so unhappy with, but don't have much to say about right now until the court date for actual foster placement comes next week.  Before I left to go to the gym, our caseworker called to see if she would be able to come out Thursday- which was yesterday.  We had a visit scheduled for the 28th, but I just figured that her schedule got busy and she needed to move some things around.  We said it was fine and didn't think anything else of it.  Last night our caseworker came and she asked us how things were going and we were open about some of the changes we have seen in Hannah since their mom has started visits with her again.  As she was finishing up, she said that there was something else she needed to address with us.  I immediately thought that she was going to tell me that she was pregnant, because lately it seemed like she was getting a little tummy.  Oh, was I wrong!  She dropped a bomb on us that she had received a phone call from someone reporting that my MIL had "struck" Hannah.  DH and I were FLOORED- speechless- in shock- WTF!!!  We didn't even know how to react.  Of course the caseworker couldn't answer any of the questions that we had regarding details she was told, who had reported, anything- which I understand seeing as I am a mandatory reporter as a teacher and know the laws.  HOWEVER-  this leads to some MAJOR concerns.  I first thought that it was just a test to see how we would react to allegations being presented to us.  DH immediately called his mom (with the caseworker still there) and asked her if she had ever hit her.  Now, my MIL is the most loving grandma to these kids and helps out whenever she can.  She has only watched them a few times on her own, and only for 1-2 hours really.  So we were trying to figure out when anything could have happened.  She was completing mystified when DH called- and in shock as we were.  DH encouraged her to think of anytime she may have done anything that would have even resembled a "strike".  After some time she said that the only time she ever laid a hand on Hannah was one afternoon (August 16th to be exact) when I had a dentist appt.  She was out front with the kids playing on the driveway with the kids.  Jeremiah had crawled away and she went to get him and turned her back to Hannah for a second and when she turned around Hannah had run to the side of the road.  Now, we live in the country, on a very busy country road and my appt. was around 5:00- when our road is very busy.  My MIL said that she ran to grab her and pushed her butt to move her away faster.  Our caseworker said that yes, that is considered a strike and that my MIL is no longer allowed to watch the kids by herself.  Again- WTF!!!
Now, my anger is not with my MIL- not one ounce.  I would have reacted the same way in that split second.  The anger comes with the fact that I can't imagine who would have reported this- a month after it happened.  We are friends with our neighbors and know that if they would have seen my MIL do something inappropriate, they would have come to us- not called our caseworker.  There are too many things that don't add up.  1st- it was reported a month after the incident- if that is even the incident that was reported.  2nd- the likelihood of someone driving by at that exact moment is near impossible.  We only have two neighbors and don't have a sidewalk where someone would have maybe been walking and saw it happen.  3rd- the report went directly to our caseworker- not through the regular channels that reports typically get placed.  It didn't even go to her supervisor first- so whoever reported it, knew exactly who to contact.  4th- they were specific that it was my MIL- so it was someone who knew us and her.  We asked if it could have possibly been my mom and she said no, the person was specific about it being my MIL.  #5- we live in a completely different county- 45 minutes away from where the kids are from and very few people know that they are our foster children.  #6- whoever reported it had to have known that the fostercare system does not allow any form of corporal punishement- no spanking, no hand slapping, etc- which is fine with us.  But our point is, no stranger driving by would have ever known they were foster children, nor would they have known who my MIL was.  I am sick to my stomach trying to figure this one out because it just doesn't make sense.  No one else knows about this- not the mom, not their caseworker.  At first we thought maybe the state sends someone to "watch" us- but cripes- we live 45 minutes away, plus if someone was sent to watch us and they felt it was a "strike" the kids never would have been placed, as this was during the time we were still visiting.
After talking with a good friend we are both somewhat positive that my SIL called in a false accusation and this just happened to come up.  My SIL is, we have decided, mentally ill.  She HATES my MIL, and us.  DH's sister was visiting from out of town that week and saw how my MIL and FIL interacted with our kids, and I fear that she shared with with my SIL (DH's brother's CRAZY wife) and she got jealous.  Whoever it was took time to find out who our caseworker is and called her directly.  things don't add up  and I AM FURIOUS!  Our caseworker is concerned if this would get to the kids' mom- they would get pulled, we would get our license pulled, and my teaching license could be in jeoprady.  I am speechless....cared.... angry.... everything.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

OMG. Speechless; however, this could totally be my story w/ my SIL. I am SOOOOO sorry.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so so sorry! I can only imagine how this is making you feel! You have every right to be upset! I will be praying for a resolution that let those babies stay in your loving home for good!
Lili
Lili

Oh my...I\'m so sorry you are having to deal with all this!! How awful. It\'s this kind of stuff that makes me so mad with the foster care system. Why is it that there are so many \"bad\" foster parents out there that seem to get away with it for way too long, and then there are a few \"good\" ones who are actually doing it for all the right reasons and want nothing more than to love and care for these sweet little ones, who get in trouble for crazy things that really either shouldn\'t be a big deal, or are false accusations??? I just don\'t get it. I don\'t remember if I wrote about it in my journal last year or not, but we went through something similar with our foster kids, and it was so extremely stressful that I couldn\'t take it. It was part of the reason we stopped doing foster care. Which is really sad because the system needs MORE foster families...not less! :(

Hang in there, and know I will be praying for you. May the Lord give you peace through all this!
JudylynS
JudylynS

Oh my God. You have got to be kidding me!!!! If that is true and your SIL is that sick... SHE needs to be locked up. There is no excuse for her behavior. She not only jeopardized your job but could possibly jeopardize your family!!! I can only imagine how bad your MIL feels. Poor woman. I hope this dies down and nothing else happens!