sorting feelings

Searching my Facebook I come across twibbon. It's a site where you can add colors to your profile for different causes. I come across a spot labeled pregnancy infant loss remember. It hit a sore spot with mem I have learned to suppress my feelings for my son when I need to. But its opened old feelings I hurt like it was yesterday. Omg I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to suppress these feelings. Some days I feel like I deserved to lose my son. I should not have outlived him. How fair is that.but then I have 2 little boys that need me. I feel horrible. Oh when my life was so simple.I miss everything about it. We could have all been so happy together. I love my boys with all my heart and every inch of my being. What I do so bad to desrve this.