sort of setback
I had to call my sponsor tonight. So far, I have not been too bad as far as my cravings go but the last few weeks have been hard. I do not really have any friends which I know I will but for now it is lonely. The few times I am invited to anything, there is always drinking involved. I did not have a problem with alcohol in a way but when I would use, alcohol was usually involved. I am somewhat embarrassed to tell people that I am sober at 25. I do not like going into detail because people then look at you differently. I don't like when people look at me differently because of my past. My first ex boyfriend which is the one that got me started on the drugs and was quite abusive has been trying to contact me. He currently lives in a different state and we haven't seen or talked in years but I know he is still using. It is his fault in a way that I started using drugs but it was from the rapes that it got so much worse. The second attack is what did me in most. I was so messed up from it, physically and mentally, that I wanted to do anything to make me forget it. I still have not spoken about it in detail or even wrote about it. It makes me remember and I get flashbacks pretty often now which probably means I need to face it but I am much too scared. I am worried that if I face that attack, that I will have no choice but to use again to get through it. If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it. I know I need a hobby or something because I cannot just sit with my thoughts anymore.