Sorry.

He is an amzing guy with so much love and care but he has dealt with some pretty horrible shit ( and is still going through it) and he expects the worst when someone says something negative so he attacks with his words out of fear. I kept on pointing out things like "our relationship is too physical" because I was trying to make it as perfect as possible... but I was just being selfish. Now that its gone I realise just how perfect it actually was. There may have been barely any conversation but it was built on support, need, trust, honesty and love. We were there to hold eachother up, be there for eachother and support eachother, that's what made our relationship so special and amazing. I don't know why I had to be so annoying... Its good now though cause I'm realising just how great it was and just how stupid I was. I attacked him out of fear, jealousy, selfishness and to be true he deserves sooo much better than me, and boy have I learnt my lesson. Ugh. I lost my best friend, I self sabotaged it. I broke it off and that hurts so much more than if he had because I spent ages trying to build the most amazing relationship and I just blew it, just like that. I diddnt even fight.. And you know what? that hurts so so so much more. And now I have to see him everyday (he asked for space but occasionally talks to me) and it hurts so much... I'm back in the past.. having a crush on this crazy guy... but now its not just a crush, its beautiful feelings of love for someone I know deserves the entire world. I have to look at him knowing he was mine and knowing I would be the next girl to hurt him and it hurts so bad. I'm so angry at myself and like I'm so stressed. I cant even sleep. Now I know the real reason behind the quote: you dont appreciate what you have untill its gone.

........if your there... somewhere.....I'm sorry I ever hurt you.