Sophia's Daddy lost alot too
I spend so much time concentrating on my own grief and loss, I never think of how this has all profoundly changed my boyfriends life. He lost his baby girl too. He held her, he loved her. He had plans and dreams for her just like I did. But Its hard to notice because mainly men pretend that they have to be strong, and not show emotions like women do.
It hurts alot to think I let him down. In my mind I know I didn't do anything to hurt her, but I still blame myself alot, especially at night. It's miserable to see him sad, and sometimes its like this never happened. I have to remind myself sometimes these days that it DID happen. I actually had a baby girl, I gave birth to her, and i carried her for 9 1/2 months. If I feel like this, I wonder what he thinks about.
I know he wanted her to be okay so much. And whats terrible is that if he had been with any other woman this wouldn't have happened. He could have had a healthy happy newborn at home instead of a monthly bill from a funeral home. He's been wanting a family for awhile now, and I hope one day he wants to try again. He never talks about it anymore, and I'm scared that he'll never be ready to try again with me. What if I can't have healthy babies? Would he want to stay? Is it even fair for me to ask him to? What about his life? He could have children of his own without me. Jesus, talk about depressing thoughts. Ah well back to homework.
It hurts alot to think I let him down. In my mind I know I didn't do anything to hurt her, but I still blame myself alot, especially at night. It's miserable to see him sad, and sometimes its like this never happened. I have to remind myself sometimes these days that it DID happen. I actually had a baby girl, I gave birth to her, and i carried her for 9 1/2 months. If I feel like this, I wonder what he thinks about.
I know he wanted her to be okay so much. And whats terrible is that if he had been with any other woman this wouldn't have happened. He could have had a healthy happy newborn at home instead of a monthly bill from a funeral home. He's been wanting a family for awhile now, and I hope one day he wants to try again. He never talks about it anymore, and I'm scared that he'll never be ready to try again with me. What if I can't have healthy babies? Would he want to stay? Is it even fair for me to ask him to? What about his life? He could have children of his own without me. Jesus, talk about depressing thoughts. Ah well back to homework.
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Men do grieve a lot differently than us. Sometimes I have to take a step back and see that my husband has lost our daughter too. He always tells me that his main concern is me, but I know that it kills him inside as well. We talk about Kaylee a lot though. Mostly because I am always bringing her up and we talk to her all the time. I think it helps both of us with our healing. Maybe you can start bring Sophia up to him again. Talk about her to him, ask him how he has been dealing with it. It will help the both of you to talk about her with eachother. This will probably ultimately lead to the conversation of ttc again. Hugs!