Sophia. I miss her
I hate this. Over and over again I think I am moving forward with my life. I always end up back at square one. I feel like I just stumbled out of that delivery room again with empty arms. It could be just yesterday I was holding her.
If I'm honest with myself I can say that I really really want Sophia back more than anything, still. I want MY girl, the one I already made and carried for nine months. I want a chance to be her mommy, I want to shower her with all the love and affection that's been building up for her over the last two years since we conceived her.
My strength is pretty sapped at this point. I'm not going to give up or stop but I am going to take a rest from running myself ragged trying to pretend that I have got my shit together because, let's face it, I really don't. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be better, for now I'm going to take a break.
I miss you Sophia. I wish you didn't have to be so far away from me. I love you still more than I could ever say. I wish you were here with me. I miss you I miss you I miss you.
If I'm honest with myself I can say that I really really want Sophia back more than anything, still. I want MY girl, the one I already made and carried for nine months. I want a chance to be her mommy, I want to shower her with all the love and affection that's been building up for her over the last two years since we conceived her.
My strength is pretty sapped at this point. I'm not going to give up or stop but I am going to take a rest from running myself ragged trying to pretend that I have got my shit together because, let's face it, I really don't. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be better, for now I'm going to take a break.
I miss you Sophia. I wish you didn't have to be so far away from me. I love you still more than I could ever say. I wish you were here with me. I miss you I miss you I miss you.
Replies
I am so sorry and I completely understand how you are feeling... as I have the same feelings. Life is hard and living beyond grief is unbearable.
My heart aches for and with you!!!
Hugs,
Nneka
I am so sorry you are hurting so. I feel the same - we did all this work, our bodies worked so hard, we loved so much, and in the end we have empty arms. It is so painful. I completely understand that you want a baby in your arms right now, but it is smart for you to get yourself ready, whatever that might mean, heal physcially, some more emotionally, get organized... You are young, and although that does not take away the pain of the loss of your precious baby girl, you do have the time to get your things in order, and ultimately that will not only help you, it will help your rainbow. I am glad you have support, your can be your bf\'s support. I have been thinking about you. Hugs, Maureen
Holding you tight in my thoughts - HUGS