Sooooo Many Things Going On!

I work for a small lawfirm as a paralegal.  Been here 9 years.  I love my job.  Three partners, they're like family to me.  Through the years, they've had their ups and downs financially.  I've known they've been in trouble before but they've always found a way out. Not this time.  This is devastating to me.  On Monday they called us in the office one by one.  There's 5 of us.  Basically everyone's is done after this week.  They offered me and another girl to stay here working part time, 20 hours at about half the pay starting Monday.  They're letting go of one of the partners because they can't afford to pay her and they have to either find another smaller office or negotiate their rent until the lease is up because they can't afford rent either.  They're not closing their doors but they have to downsize tremendously and they're hoping me and the other girl can help them a bit until we find something else. I'm so mad at myself because I knew this was coming.  They don't exactly have the best benefits (no 401K) and that's weighed on me for years to go find another job.  I freakin live in the City and I commute 20 miles north for this job.  I can get a job in the City and make probably double and have benefits.  Why did I stay?  I don't know.  The pay isn't great and I don't have a 401K and my insurance sucks.  I guess it's because they are really like family to me and I'm comfortable here.  I come and go as I please.  I'm still really mad at myself that I didn't leave a long time ago.   So here I am, trying to get pregnant right now and I'm losing my job and insurance.  We are not married so I can't be on his insurance (until the end of the year).  We've been together almost 10 years but wanted to wait until the time was right for a big wedding.  Getting pregnant was more of a priority because of our age. But now with the ecomony the way it is and me losing my job, we discussed running off and just doing it at the courthouse.  Never know!  I mean, I'm 8 DPO and what if, God forbid, I'm pregnant?  I do hope but I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up.  I mean so much is going to depend on if I'm pregnant or not.  UH!  I'm trying not to stress out but it' pretty difficult.  I know I'll be fine.  I have 9 years experience with this firm and I live in Chicago so I'm pretty confident that I should find something.  The fear of the unknown is what's so scary.  But now, if I'm not pregnant and I do start another position, what will be their policy with getting pregnant.  Do I have to put it off?  What if I don't find something right away, I think I have to put off getting pregnant.  And I just don't want to do that.  I'm 35 and the clock is a tickin, loudly!  I'm so upset and torn about this.  It's so funny that I'm ranting and raving about not being able to try but somehow I'm not too worried about the financial aspect of my situation.  I'm more worried about putting this off.  Is it wrong if I don't put it off?  Uh what to do!.    So now the next part of my journal entry, my test results!  I'm officially done with infertility testing.  Everything is normal, I am good and ovulating and my body is waiting to get pregnant.  My day 21 progesterone blood test came back at 20.09 which my doctor says is normal and that I for sure ovulated.  I went for a day 15 internal ultra sound which revealed that I had just ovulated as well but the progesterone tests tells me how "well" I ovulated and if my body is producing enough hormone to protect and keep a pregnancy should I get pregnant.  The answer is yes.  So now what?  We're waiting on my BF's sperm analysis. OMG this has been like pulling teeth.  He's been making excuse after excuse and we've even gotten into arguments.  He's dragging his feet on this and I'm so angry.  I actually talked to my doctor about this and he said it was totally normal for the man to do this.  I mean he has to go for one test!  One effing test and I've been through how many?  I was so angry.  FINALLY he made an appointment.  He's going next Friday. Geesh!   For now, I'm just hoping, praying, pleading with God for a BFP this week!!!  I keep telling myself not to test early but I know I probably will.  Since AF is due Monday, I'm thinking I can test Sunday morning.  Or should I wait?  UH!  The next couple days are going to kill me!