Sometimes it just sucks
I wish I could take back something I said in confidence to two "friends" last year. May marriage hasn't been very good in such a long time and I just didn't see it for what it was. I think she just wanted me for money and security. But, These two "friends" whom I told keep to themselves just days later shared with each other at an outing and vilified the person I am so fond of, and started unjustified rumors. I only saw her as a friend last year and they accused her of chasing after a married man, me. I was the one who let it be known I was pursuing her on a strictly platonic relationship. So, these "friends" are off my friends list. Same age as me, 55, and they gossip after I told them to keep to themselves? WTH!! I learned the hard way there are only some people you should trust.
Now a year later, the one I am so fond of still hurts from the gossip and I don't know how many times I can say sorry, beg forgiveness. I've asked for forgiveness but she tells me things and never really says I am forgiven. I can't understand when all I did was reveal I was headed for divorce and I was fond of her, nothing more. I hate emotional roller coaster rides. One day I am the happiest guy on earth, the next, I feel like I want the world to end. Her pain is my pain and today is just awful. I want to text her and I have but just with have a great weekend. I wish she could let it go. I've said I am human and didn't mean for two people to gossip when I said something in confidence. I don't want my long weekend to be like it is today, but it's going to be hard. I feel like these gray storm clouds are just hanging over me. I need to give her space, I think to get through it. She says her reputation is not repairable. Her reputation is still intact in my opinion. It's the others doing the gossip crap a year ago whose reputations are sullied. Why do people have to gossip and start rumors? To make themselves feel better? I hate people like that. Their lives suck so they tear people down to build themselves up. One is an alcoholic and won't admit it. The other is short, overweight and likes to be in the limelight. Can't stand them now.
Maybe the one I am so fond of will text me or call me this weekend to make me feel better. I can hope. I just feel like dirt right now.
Now a year later, the one I am so fond of still hurts from the gossip and I don't know how many times I can say sorry, beg forgiveness. I've asked for forgiveness but she tells me things and never really says I am forgiven. I can't understand when all I did was reveal I was headed for divorce and I was fond of her, nothing more. I hate emotional roller coaster rides. One day I am the happiest guy on earth, the next, I feel like I want the world to end. Her pain is my pain and today is just awful. I want to text her and I have but just with have a great weekend. I wish she could let it go. I've said I am human and didn't mean for two people to gossip when I said something in confidence. I don't want my long weekend to be like it is today, but it's going to be hard. I feel like these gray storm clouds are just hanging over me. I need to give her space, I think to get through it. She says her reputation is not repairable. Her reputation is still intact in my opinion. It's the others doing the gossip crap a year ago whose reputations are sullied. Why do people have to gossip and start rumors? To make themselves feel better? I hate people like that. Their lives suck so they tear people down to build themselves up. One is an alcoholic and won't admit it. The other is short, overweight and likes to be in the limelight. Can't stand them now.
Maybe the one I am so fond of will text me or call me this weekend to make me feel better. I can hope. I just feel like dirt right now.
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