Sometimes I feel crazy.

I had been feeling good for so long.  Now I feel crazy.  With just a few isolated days of being tired.  I felt crappy this time from Thursday until Today.  And I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I have been tired and irritable daily this week.  My cat was sick, I got stressed, I feel like the anxiety was trapped in my body.  I have been over sensitive and picking fights with my husband.  And shame on me for that.  He did the MS ride on Saturday and I was a tired complainer.  Walking was hard and I was hot.  People look at you funny and practically run you over.  I was so angry at my body.  I don't think he gets how hard this disease is sometimes.  I took it out on him.  Then I tried to explain why I was nasty and it came out nasty.  He got mad and yelled at me.  Even used profanity.  He said he had had it with me, that there is no pleasing me, and he did not want to do this.  I was resigned to the fact that I had driven him away.  I thought our marriage was over right there.  And he is right.  He does so much for me.  I don't get how I could feel so ugly inside and be so nasty to the person I love most.  Then I feel so alone, scared, and hopeless.  I just don't want to go on like this.  I wish I could escape my body.  And I know I won't hurt myself.  And in these moments I feel the devil and his lies invading any sanity I have.  I feel so afraid and angry.  I just want to be held and told everything will be OK.  I am having a bad day.  I just feel so afraid.  What if my husband loves me less?  What if he is with me just because divorce isn't an option?  How can he love someone who struggles to love herself.  I know this will pass.  I believe God can help me change and deal with this disease.  I just don't know how to do this anymore.  I feel like a failure.  I hate to fail.   My body is pulling my spirit down with it.  I feel like this disease is choking me and taking the life out of me.  I feel so alone in this disease.  I feel like after this weekend my husband really is not open tho hearing how I feel today.