Sometimes....I don't know what to do
So my ex picks up our daughter around 10:30 pm ( doing this quite frequently lately) and when he comes back he sends with her a gift for me....just some candy and a hand written note...I will always remember our movie nights. And my daughter is telling me how much he has changed. My hearts sinks, I know that feeling....he has changed... he is such a great guy....and then...he flipps again....and you realize nothing has changed.
I hate seen how he is manipulating our daughter...and am kind in the middle. She is 18 and sadly have seen some of his manipulative behavior, still he knows how to get to her.
Am thinking am going to have to suggest therapy for her...she went briefly for depression before, but I think she needs to see what is really happening with her dad.
Its me and I have to remember that this seemingly lovable, caring person was capable of kicking me in my ribs until I passed out....and his mind games almost, almost left me with no desire to live.
Any suggestions?
I hate seen how he is manipulating our daughter...and am kind in the middle. She is 18 and sadly have seen some of his manipulative behavior, still he knows how to get to her.
Am thinking am going to have to suggest therapy for her...she went briefly for depression before, but I think she needs to see what is really happening with her dad.
Its me and I have to remember that this seemingly lovable, caring person was capable of kicking me in my ribs until I passed out....and his mind games almost, almost left me with no desire to live.
Any suggestions?
Replies
What he is doing is manipulative, emotional abuse. How that message gets communicated to your daughter, however, is a hard, hard question. I would only know to try and be honest with her and hope she doesn\'t turn against her father. If only he would leave you alone.
Next time, REFUSE ANY \"GIFTS\" because you know there will be manipulative strings attached. And why not include your daughter in one of YOUR therapy/counseling sessions? I believe this would be most beneficial for both of you.
I took both my kids to counseling after we found out their daddy was/is a pedophile. They didn\'t want to go at first (they were 12 and 15 at the time), but now, my daughter says she wants to go to therapy. Don\'t know if she has or not since we\'ve been estranged, but at least, both my kids know their daddy is a manipulator (big time). My daughter saw me refuse gifts from her daddy. The first Christmas after I found out about him, but we were still legally married, I told him not to get me anything for Christmas. He did anyway. I loaded everything in the car, along with my 15 year old daughter, and returned everything...except the one pair of pj\'s, (only because I couldn\'t find others that I really liked, but didn\'t let him know I kept them) He never saw me in them, but the colors were perfect as was the style. I did keep the red makeup bag his mother gave me and still use it today. My daughter called from the mall one day during this time to tell me he was buying me a $1,000 bracelet. I told her he could just return it because I was refusing it. The only thing I wanted from him was a divorce. He also offered me his new black and white convertible sports car if I didn\'t divorce him. I told him to keep, and I refused to drive it as I didn\'t want to get used to it and kept my old van as I needed it for work to haul medical supplies that I delivered. He couldn\'t get it through his head that this time it was over...over, and over. He\'d always been the one to end relationships and break hearts. Well, this gal had had enough. Stick to your guns, and I agree to let your daughter know as she\'s old enough to handle it. I told mine it was okay to love their daddy as he had been good to them, but he couldn\'t be trusted. They know that. Someone who abuses to the extent that yours and mine did don\'t just change. I have no regrets whatsoever that I divorced him. I rarely even give him a thought...just glad to be rid of him. Hang in there. And yes, I\'d take her to therapy. Don\'t fall for his gifts. I\'d send them back. Right now, I won\'t even allow a male friend to help me move or connect my computer. I did ALL of it alone so he wouldn\'t get any ideas and I don\'t feel any obligation to him. He even gave me over 1500 pieces of music that he downloaded for me because he realized I love music. It isn\'t ever going to happen between us, so I don\'t want to do ANYTHING to lead him on. I don\'t even tell him exactly where I\'m living as he keeps asking.
hugs.
Thank you everybody,
Brett-Thank you for your support, Kathi and Marie you are both so right, I should have refused to take anything from him, even something little as that. It is exactly what he wants me to do. You are both strong, wise woman and really greatful to have all of you as friends.
Anytime...hey, I learned from experience! Oh, and thanks for the compliment. This was taken before my ED did her thing. Still haven\'t seen my grandson, but I will in time!
hugs,
Marie