Something very upsetting

I was having lunch with my mom and my aunt now and I just go some flashbacks to the time when my aunt used to allow me to fondle her when I was 10 or 11.  It is disgusting and so hurtful to remember.  The trigger was that the other day my aunt asked me if i needed a dollar because she has change and i took the dollar from her.  She never accepted it back.  It is like she was buying me with that dollar.  It is disgusting.  I hate her and I hate her for doing that to me.  I just got very accept and very quiet on the table while we were eating.  She took advantage of me. When she used to allow me to fondle her and now when she gave me the dollar.  I have such a pain in the chest and I feel that I want to puke.  Also I don't know what I am going to do when I go every weekend to have lunch at my grandma's.  My aunt lives with my grandma and everyweek we have lunch there.  It is disgusting.