something\'s got to give

I'm back on the suicide wagon again..It's been a long time but I can't truly handle things anymore except now I have a partner in my life and its even harder because they only reason I won't do anything is because of them. I don't want to hurt her at all. My medications are being changed again and because of my severe depression I have been asked to be off work for a little while again which is so hard because I can't afford it. Making me angry..I am just low. I have had a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings and dragging myself out of the house has never been so hard. I hate everything.. nothing feels good anymore at all. I think  I might even lose this partner to this again, I mean its happened before. Who really wants to stay with someone who is so messed anyway?I wouldn't blame her for leaving my ass.. though if she does then I may not have a reason to tough it out.I hope something gives soon..or else..