Something I Wrote a While Ago

In my appearance it may be hard to see, 
but food is my true love and my worst enemy. 
Taking over every thought in my head, 
when Im sitting in class or laying awake late at night in my bed. 
The overwhelming rush I get when I stuff my face, 
and then letting it back out in the form of human waste. 
Either I eat too much or not enough,
if eating is human why is it so rough? 
"Fat girls" and I are in balance on a scale of fate,
but this "fat girl" is not fat from weight. 
I'm fat with insufferable guilt and shame, 
the parts I miss about myself will never be the same. 
Despite the metaphorical fatness, when I go out I feel small, 
like my presence and opinion mean nothing at all. 
Filling myself up to mask up the fear,
then canceling it out like it will all dissappear. 
Its like a drug, I'm an addict if you will, 
but my cravings don't involve booze or a pill. 
My spirit, my personality, my will to take care of myself are declining, 
I'm losing myself and I'm not sure if its worth finding.