Something I Don't Like to Talk about

Based on a conversation I had with my sister-in-law about her daughter being raped many years ago, I realized maybe part of my problem is that I rarely talk about being raped with I was a teenager. It was on a summer day.  I was sitting on the grass with a guy from school having normal conversation.  He was know bad boy but I didn't think he would do something like this.  All of the sudden he lead behind some trees.  He started kissing me and pulling my clothes partially off.  Then he had me perform oral sex on him.  Everything was happening so fast.  The he said we were going to have sex.  I said no.  I was a virgin at the time.  We argued about this back and forth.  Finally I gave in.  I guess I though it would better than being beat up or whatever he would do. It was like my brain was turned backwards after that.  I thought, "Is this is how it is susposed to be?"  "Is this was people do?" I ran into him again some time later.  He invited me to a house and we ended up having sex.  Be I hadn't had much experience, I thought that this was the way it worked.  It only got worse.  He had me have sex with 4 or 5 of his friends.  I know this was wrong but I wasn't sure what to do. I finally said not to everybody.  I didn't go into town alone.  It had stopped but the damage was done The lady I mentioned before, when she was raped it ruined her marriage and her life.  The sounded a lot like my story.  When I finally told me mom (I didn't give a lot of details such as how many were involved) she acted like it was my fault.  When she told my dad, I got more of the same.  I was called a whore and acted like it was my fault.  I felt like a dirty thing that nobody wanted. Mom took me to the doctor and had me throught check.  Thank goodness by the grace of God I was clean.  I didn't contract any deseases or anything.Even thought my body was all right,  I believe this series of terrible events has been eating at my brain for years