I guess I have been letting this sit in the back of my mind and trying to leave it in denial, but I guess I have to face this. At my last rheumy appt. they mentioned transplant.... They think it would be good to start the preparations to get on the list. I didn't want to think it was this bad, and the treatment would make everything okay. I'm not even bad enough to have to be on oxygen, so I never thought they would mention transplant so soon, I knew it was going to come around eventually. I will wait and see what my respirologist says and what he recommends. They want to do some more tests and see if the cyclophosphimide has made any improvement, but I can't be on it indefinitely, no more than a year. It feels like a death sentence, I know in my head that it isn't but you can't tell your heart that. I am slowly mentioning things to my husband to get him used to the idea that we may not have as much time as we planned and that I expect him to go on and have a good life. As much reasearch as I 've done I know that I may only have 10 - 15 years....that's if everything goes well. I don't want to be a downer and I don't want to be pessimistic, but I don't want to shy away from the reality either. How do you maintain a balance?