Some words of warning and edification to all
If you ever have a loved one in the hospital and you need to obtain directives from them for the hospital staff to follow, please, please, please, use direct and unmistakeable wording. DO NOT use any phrases that may be ambiguous or misunderstood. You have no idea what the patient may be perceiving or interpreting what you are asking or saying. Their consciousness may be slipping in and out even though they may appear stable and unchanging on the surface. Case in point - this weekend my Beloved's mother was taken to the emergency room Saturday morning (or maybe Friday night, we aren't sure at this point). She appeared to be holding her own ok Saturday, but Sunday we almost lost her. On Sunday, the staff asked what her directives were if they had to use extraordinary measures to continue her life. My Beloved did not know, the subject had never been broached. She directed them to do whatever they had to at the time so her mom would have the opportunity to recover enough to give her own directives. Monday she was more lucid, but was fading in and out. She had expressed the desire to have all the tubes taken out and she wanted to go home, which meant she wanted to leave the hospital and return to her apartment. My Beloved, with the nurses and a doctor present, asked her mom what she wanted them to do or not do in the case she got worse. In an effort to soften the questions, she used wording such as "go home", "pass over", "leave this earth", and the like. From her mom's responses there was to be no ventilator, but CPR (including drugs to boost the heart) were to be used. I guess my Beloved was not entirely settled on the answers because later on she asked her mom again about the ventilator. This time she said that without the ventilator, she'd probably "go home with Grandma". Her mother nodded her head briefly then stopped, paused a very short moment, then her eyes locked on her daughter's intently and she very vigorously shook her head "NO!". She had totally missed the inference that without the ventilator she would die. So if you are ever in a similar situation, please do not try to soften the topic by using wording that is anything but precise and unmistakable. A life may hang on how you word something. Blessings to all.