Some Time Online Today....

It was looking like I wouldn't get ANY Time Online Today at all, but finally He gave in when He decided He was going to take a Nap ! I don't understand it. WHY is it so Wrong to Him for ME to be Online while He's at Home - and Awake - BUT MANY Evenings starting sometimes at around 9pm, or 10pm - He'll go ONLINE, and I'm supposed to be OKAY with that !?!?! HE DOESN'T ASK ME IF HE CAN GO ONLINE !!!!! BUT... I'm supposed to ask HIM for HIS PERMISSION ! It's all Part of His Controlling Ways, I know.But knowing that it's all Part of HOW He is.... doesn't help Me as far as dealing with it !  HOW can there be ANY dealing with Someone Like that ???? Confronting Him about the whole " Time Online " Issue has NEVER gotten Me ANYWHERE except involved in a VERY HEATED, and SCARY, ARGUEMENT ! He knows all too well that I do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to AVOID giving Him ANY EXCUSES to get ANGRY, and fly into One of His RAGING FITS over NOTHING ! HE KNOWS THIS.... AND I'M CONVINCED THAT HE USES THAT KNOWLEDGE AS YET ANOTHER WAY TO CONTROL ME !!!!! I'M SICK OF IT ! I'M SICK OF HIM TREATING ME LIKE I'M 12 YEARS OLD ! It's MY COMPUTER, so I shouldn't have to ASK to be able to use it !He makes Me want to SCREAM AT HIM when He has the NERVE to act all " put out " when I tell Him I want to spend some Time Online checking My E-mails. By " put out " I mean He puts on this ACT, and does His Best to appear " HURT, and SAD ", as IF He's saying that I VALUE TIME ONLINE MORE THAN SPENDING TIME WITH HIM ! Oh He can be the KING OF GUILT TRIPS !!!!! THAT'S FOR SURE ! He knows how to lay it on THICK ! YET... When the Shoes on the Other Foot, and HE wants Time ONLINE, then I'm supposed to be OKAY with it, and NOT say ONE DAMN WORD about how much it UPSETS AND HURTS ME knowing that He'll be CHATTING WITH OTHER WOMEN almost immediately as soon as He gets ONLINE ! Not Often - Thank Goodness - BUT a FEW Times in the Past, He's even had the NERVE to tell Me to " STOP BITC*ING ABOUT IT... STOP NAGGING HIM ABOUT IT " !!!!I see that for what it is now... just ONE MORE Way to put the BLAME ON ME about Something that HE'S at the CORE OF ! .... ONE MORE WAY of trying to PUT ME DOWN, and make Me feel BAD when I DON'T DESERVE TO AT ALL !!!! At First This Afternoon it looked like He wasn't going to " LET ME " go ONLINE AT ALL, because He even said that HE was wanting to do the SAME THING !So INSTEAD, at first, We played a Game of Chess for awhile.BUT right after Our Chess Game, He went to go take a Nap, and told Me that I should go ahead and get Online.... because He DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR ME LATER ON SAYING THAT I DIDN'T GET ANY TIME ONLINE !!!! NOPE.... NOONE EXCEPT FOR HIMSELF are allowed to SPEAK UP for Their RIGHTS.... NOT in This HOUSEHOLD, at least !!!! HE HATES ME EVER EVEN REMOTELY COMPARING HIM TO MY EX-HUSBAND, BUT IN THIS CASE HE'S JUST LIKE HIM !!!!.... JUST LIKE MY EX-HUSBAND, HE NEVER WANTS TO TRULY HEAR MY OPINION, OR MY FEELINGS, ABOUT ANY ISSUE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP !!!! IF I DARE TO SPEAK UP... THEN I'M ' NAGGING ', OR ' BITC*HING ' ABOUT IT !!!! As always... since I don't know how long He'll be asleep... I better go, since as soon as He wakes up, I KNOW that He'll want Me OFF of here almost immediately ! I've been dealing with a BAD COLD - that might even be Bronchitis - lately.I don't have the ENERGY to argue with Him because of My COLD, so I've been trying to do anything I can to AVOID any potential arguements as much as I can..... even though it's so frustrating to do so, since it means that I have to LITERALLY BITE MY TONGUE sometimes instead of saying what I really WANT to say !