Some "Thriving" Notes...

 
Below is a continuation of some of my observations/notes of "Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage". I've underlined the things I felt were characteristic of my situation.
 
"The Rejecting Spouse" - rejecting due to indifference, being "too busy", "don't like", "loathe".
 
"The Dangerous Spouse" - consuming, exploiting ("you don't exist outside of my need for you"), punishing, demeaning. Consuming & exploiting result of being seen as their "god" (to be idolized) or their "slave" (to serve them).
 
The Wounded Heart - due to neglect, abandonment or assault (not necessarily physically).
 
The Surviving Heart - survival strategies that don't work because they come from a bad motive: 1-give in, 2-get out (either mentally or physically), 3-get even, 4-nurse the victim mentality.
 
There's a neat little chart in Surviving Heart that I want to get down. It really sums things up nicely for the visually-oriented, like me.
 
I'm really reflecting on my survival strategies that I've used in the past. I think my first default was always to give in & when I found that it wasn't working, I often played the victim. (Before I became a Christian, I would sometimes try to "get even", particularly during my teen years. But not always.) In my marriage, I tended to do 1 then 4. But being 4 made me angry. I didn't want to be a victim. So now I do 2 (mentally checking out; looking for something to fulfill me outside my situation). The thing about 2 is that it tends to be very individualistic & cuts oneself off emotionally from others, which relationally is not good. However, it seems that there is a very fine line between "checking out" & thriving. What that line is, I guess I'll start to find out in the next chapter.
 
I guess it's a good start in my ability to recognize my issues & strategies.
 
I think the good thing about this book, again, is that it focuses on where our hearts are. You can have all the best strategies in the world, but God is concerned about our hearts. If my heart can be right, then I should be OK (at least, I'd hope so!).