Some Thoughts
Hi DS friends,
I hardly ever come on this site anymore. My little girl is 7 months old now, and doing very well.
I think losing my first pregnancy and spending a year depressed, and thinking I would never have children, changed the way I approach parenthood. I won't say that I am a better mom for it, but I am a very calm mom. Taking care of a little one can be difficult and stressful at times, but every day I think that my worst day with my daughter is better than my best day before I had her. Or to put it another way, it's much,much easier to have a living child than a dead one. When she cries I think "well, at least I have a baby to cry'!
My miscarriage also changed the way I felt about my second pregnancy. I was much less joyful and more detached. Even after I got pregnant, I stayed angry for a long time. I didn't want to do any socializing with other pregnant women, or join in any baby talk. I'm finally at the point now where it doesn't bother me anymore, and I'm ready to have 'mom friends.' I am sad, though, that I wasn't able to enjoy the time as I had hoped I would.
I still think about my first baby, and wish she was here with me. They would have been one year apart. I don't think about her all the time, anymore, or feel sad all the time, but the waves of sadness come over me now and again. Overall, I have a much greater awareness that I am very fortunate and that children are not guaranteed to anybody. I don't ever want to lose a baby again, but I think I did learn something through the experience. I faced up to a lot of pain in my life that I had been trying to push away. In some weird way, death doesn't scare me as much as it used to. All my beliefs about what happens when we die, and who we are...these used to be just abstract to me, but when I lost my baby, all of a sudden it mattered. I guess I believe that her life will go on in another place. I never knew I believed that, but I do.
I wish all of you success on your journeys, and that we will all still hold a place in our hearts for the ones we lost.
I hardly ever come on this site anymore. My little girl is 7 months old now, and doing very well.
I think losing my first pregnancy and spending a year depressed, and thinking I would never have children, changed the way I approach parenthood. I won't say that I am a better mom for it, but I am a very calm mom. Taking care of a little one can be difficult and stressful at times, but every day I think that my worst day with my daughter is better than my best day before I had her. Or to put it another way, it's much,much easier to have a living child than a dead one. When she cries I think "well, at least I have a baby to cry'!
My miscarriage also changed the way I felt about my second pregnancy. I was much less joyful and more detached. Even after I got pregnant, I stayed angry for a long time. I didn't want to do any socializing with other pregnant women, or join in any baby talk. I'm finally at the point now where it doesn't bother me anymore, and I'm ready to have 'mom friends.' I am sad, though, that I wasn't able to enjoy the time as I had hoped I would.
I still think about my first baby, and wish she was here with me. They would have been one year apart. I don't think about her all the time, anymore, or feel sad all the time, but the waves of sadness come over me now and again. Overall, I have a much greater awareness that I am very fortunate and that children are not guaranteed to anybody. I don't ever want to lose a baby again, but I think I did learn something through the experience. I faced up to a lot of pain in my life that I had been trying to push away. In some weird way, death doesn't scare me as much as it used to. All my beliefs about what happens when we die, and who we are...these used to be just abstract to me, but when I lost my baby, all of a sudden it mattered. I guess I believe that her life will go on in another place. I never knew I believed that, but I do.
I wish all of you success on your journeys, and that we will all still hold a place in our hearts for the ones we lost.
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