Some realizations
I just went through all the pictures of me on my laptop. It wasn't pretty. Looking back to these months when I had tons of thick, black hair, I find myself feeling rather depressed and upset that I destroyed all of it.
It's weird how I never appreciate the way my hair looks until I take it away from me by tearing all of it away. I don't ever recall at any stage liking my hair for how it looked, and I think this is a critical issue. If I don't like how my hair looks, I won't care for it. I won't fight for it. I'll abuse it and torture myself over how unattractive I feel. I won't care when I start tearing it away. That's when my trich becomes horribly unmanageable--when I have no love or respect for either my hair or myself. Then, when I lose all that hair, I realize how pretty it did look and wish in vain that I had it again.
No matter how my hair really looks at a certain stage, no matter how I feel, I need to tell myself that it's beautiful. Instead of always looking forward to another time when my hair will be longer, I need to appreciate what I have when I have it. I have to feel that I'm attractive--that I'm beautiful--that my hair is beautiful. Otherwise, if I continue to hate my hair and torment myself over how I look, it will only make my trich worse. It will only make me hate myself more. Every hair belongs on my head, and every strand is beautiful. I need to just keep telling myself that.
Instead of thinking, "Oh, you MIGHT look pretty in 6 months when you have longer hair," I need to be able to see myself in the mirror and say, "you ARE beautiful NOW," no matter how my hair looks at that point. Instead of feeling disappointed every time I lift a mirror at how much still I have to go in order to achieve my goal of having flawless hair, I need to feel proud of myself for how far I have already come. I need to give myself a break. I need to reward myself. I need to praise myself for fighting against something so difficult. I need to love myself.
Then, then I will be able to see that I am a good person, attractive inside and out. I will be able to love myself and my hair the way I am NOW, instead of how I will be in some non-existential, imaginary future.
Just some thoughts.
It's weird how I never appreciate the way my hair looks until I take it away from me by tearing all of it away. I don't ever recall at any stage liking my hair for how it looked, and I think this is a critical issue. If I don't like how my hair looks, I won't care for it. I won't fight for it. I'll abuse it and torture myself over how unattractive I feel. I won't care when I start tearing it away. That's when my trich becomes horribly unmanageable--when I have no love or respect for either my hair or myself. Then, when I lose all that hair, I realize how pretty it did look and wish in vain that I had it again.
No matter how my hair really looks at a certain stage, no matter how I feel, I need to tell myself that it's beautiful. Instead of always looking forward to another time when my hair will be longer, I need to appreciate what I have when I have it. I have to feel that I'm attractive--that I'm beautiful--that my hair is beautiful. Otherwise, if I continue to hate my hair and torment myself over how I look, it will only make my trich worse. It will only make me hate myself more. Every hair belongs on my head, and every strand is beautiful. I need to just keep telling myself that.
Instead of thinking, "Oh, you MIGHT look pretty in 6 months when you have longer hair," I need to be able to see myself in the mirror and say, "you ARE beautiful NOW," no matter how my hair looks at that point. Instead of feeling disappointed every time I lift a mirror at how much still I have to go in order to achieve my goal of having flawless hair, I need to feel proud of myself for how far I have already come. I need to give myself a break. I need to reward myself. I need to praise myself for fighting against something so difficult. I need to love myself.
Then, then I will be able to see that I am a good person, attractive inside and out. I will be able to love myself and my hair the way I am NOW, instead of how I will be in some non-existential, imaginary future.
Just some thoughts.
Replies
Great self realization going on for you, and with that attitude you will find it easier and easier to stop pulling. Continue thinking this way and you will go far and you will stop pulling forever. BELIEVE in yourself ! Creative Visualization is a good thing to use with affirmations - writing down what you want such as to stop pulling, to have beautiful hair, and then believe it has already happened for you, visualize it , and say I HAVE beautiful hair, I HAVE stopped pulling. Putting out positive thoughts and beliefs will return positive things back to you in your life. xoxo Wishing you many pull free happy days ahead ! xo