Some of Trauma Recovery

                                                                                    Thank You.  I haven't been on Facebook for weeks/months?.... I just found your reply with the site & therapy reference & I thank you again.  I have a good trauma therapist, however, they cannot be with you in the middle of the night when you're alone and doing the deep, nasty, painful, frightening recovery work.  I've been off the computer because I have been doing a lot of this work, alone, at night, unable to sleep anyway.  T.V. shows, movies, books, whatever, trigger the emotion and off I go to discover what's there.  I believe I am so slow at recognizing the obvious it's just silly. I am experiencing a great deal of education about how the mind works to save us from going completely off our rocker.  Yet, being slow, I believe from the safety valve in my head, not wanting to let me get to the emotions, where is just exactly where all the ineffective, unconscious, beliefs & resulting behaviors are sitting, this work is long, hard, & exhausting.  I can see why people do inpatient therapy.  I have never been allowed that luxury, at least not yet.  Maybe I don't really need it, although I think a lot of the time it would save me time, energy, and all that comes with it effecting the relationships in my life.  It's not easy for me to take the space & time I need without the guilt of the caretaker syndrome  rearing it's ugly head. ( also is a just another way to run away from the work.) I will read what you sent me.  I was just walking through the beginning of your reply with what I am struggling with and it makes sense now.  My head cannot wrap around the intense emotions or the experiences which created the emotions because of the belief I should or shouldn't think, believe, feel, etc. the way I do/did.  Being taught/environment I should be one way when the truth is the complete opposite of what I'm being told, is a tough one for a very young person to figure out, especially by themselves with no healthy adult supervision, or direction. I believe much of the recovery work done through the 12 step programs are also sort of like doing the work without healthy adult supervision or direction, being the cause of so many going back to the old unhealthy/ineffective survival skills.  It's a great place to start for people like me.  The drug or drink must be out of the way before much else can be done.  However; I still believe having only a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.  Glad I had a sponsor in my foundation years with this understanding, or I would most likely be drunk or dead by now.  Thanks for being there.  Love you.  Hope if you are still just hanging in there that the rope is not too tight.  If it is too tight, let it loosen up a bit.  I don't know how you do the work you do.  I would love to do it, thought about doing it, & backed away for various reasons.  I soak up the info and I am in awe of the human psychological make-up.  But, not for a career.  Maybe with really little people .... I like the little people.  Anyways, be good to yourself.  Any suggested information is awesome!Love, Ms. Stubborn