Some of my history

 I am not offended honestly by however you have seen works best to contact, my spouse is actually a nutritionist and I am gluten free, sugar free, caffeine free, and eat usually organic and grass fed, I limit any dairy and only goat milk, I have one kidney, and currently am drowning in alcohol to numb me, I take Lithium and will ask to get back on xanax or prozac as a first thought, I had an affair 8 years ago, and have been going through relationship issues since, I love my wife, never knew why I did it then, I do now, I never felt the affection that lasted, that she wanted me, when in fact I never worked for the relationship much either, I have been now, and she always prayed, and wanted it to work out for us as we were in church, every time the door opening, tithed, and I witnessed and sang at homeless places, and funerals, and in the choir, and since I did what I did she left the thought of a God, she embraces some witch things, not spells, but green witch things, and has had a near death seizure as she has low blood sugar, which I caught her, and she felt such a peace that it convinced her there is no heaven, hell or Christ to pray to anymore, I can't fix that, but my kids know little of God now, and I am at odds in many ways with her, she gives me no peace, no comfort, and any talking is combative, the way for her to just work on herself and issues and me to work on mine and then once we are better individually, we come together as a couple, I understand this mentality, our therapist say it, I also have a vision of what a relationship will be and this isn't it, I don't know what to do, I love her, am in love with her, when you love someone so much, see I can see a pretty face, and like her hair, or anothers eyes, or lips, but when you love just one persons hair, face, lips, feet, legs, eyes, god everything, voice... you know that if you live to be old, just her touch truly satisfies you, and I would give anything to be thought of by her this way, seems just a fantasy, I won't make it much longer wanting though, if you can't contact me or don't. I understand and thank you for your words and wish you the best,  I ask nothing from anyone, I will copy and paste this in my journal as it gives a good start as to who I am. Thanks for contacting me, have a great day truly