some facts about the situation
All of the advice here is wonderful, Thank you.
To clear up some questions and assumptions:
I have known about his affair for about 3 yrs but didn't find the proof until July 4th 2014. We attended marriage counseling for 3 months but because he wouldn't stop lying I stopped and filed for the divorce in late October. I asked for an early intervention but that did nothing. We go back in March for our 6month court date. It could go another 6months beyond that. He is fighting everything just to be a dick.
Our kids ages are 16, 17, 19, 21, 23. They know everything. Because I stay quiet and don't respond to his obnoxious rants they think I'm cold and heartless. He is the king of manipulation.
I don't talk badly about him. I keep telling the kids they need to try to separate themselves from this drama. Their dad loves them and I have no intention in getting in the way of that relationship. Because he is acting like a nut they don't believe me.
It is very true that I need to become a stronger individual. When I try to take care of me he tells the kids Im being selfish and don't care about them. It will take time for them to understand and see the truth.
So you are all wondering how it is that he guilted me into going to the concert. He used the kids against me. He spent 3 days harping on me about building a new relationship for the kids sakes. The very next day he came in for a kiss, I pushed him away and he went bonkers and made a ridiculous scene. Making me look bad again.
To clear up some questions and assumptions:
I have known about his affair for about 3 yrs but didn't find the proof until July 4th 2014. We attended marriage counseling for 3 months but because he wouldn't stop lying I stopped and filed for the divorce in late October. I asked for an early intervention but that did nothing. We go back in March for our 6month court date. It could go another 6months beyond that. He is fighting everything just to be a dick.
Our kids ages are 16, 17, 19, 21, 23. They know everything. Because I stay quiet and don't respond to his obnoxious rants they think I'm cold and heartless. He is the king of manipulation.
I don't talk badly about him. I keep telling the kids they need to try to separate themselves from this drama. Their dad loves them and I have no intention in getting in the way of that relationship. Because he is acting like a nut they don't believe me.
It is very true that I need to become a stronger individual. When I try to take care of me he tells the kids Im being selfish and don't care about them. It will take time for them to understand and see the truth.
So you are all wondering how it is that he guilted me into going to the concert. He used the kids against me. He spent 3 days harping on me about building a new relationship for the kids sakes. The very next day he came in for a kiss, I pushed him away and he went bonkers and made a ridiculous scene. Making me look bad again.
Replies
Now my kids dad isn\'t like this but no matter what they think it was me why things aren\'t working. Often the kids see dad as a higher power. Him telling them these things is just so wrong. I hope at some point your kids will see this. I don\'t view myself as very strong like I tend to back down in our fights just because I hate the confrontation. Luckily their dad doesn\'t speak bad of me. This is just alot for you.
I have spent the entire marriage backing down from him. He is very controlling. Things have always been his way. I also do not like conflict and avoid it at all costs. I just woke up and realized I deserve so much more. I think I\'m a good person, don\'t get me wrong I am not perfect. I have many faults but I do believe I deserve better then this.
I am reading a book on Parental Alienation Syndrome. It is eye opening and he fits the disruptions of the alienating parent to a tee. What he is doing is all fear based. He is scared of the unknown. The kids just don\'t understand and they won\'t for a long time. So for me to claim my freedom from his hell is costing me my kids for an unknown duration of time. this is killing me. This will forever have an effect on their lives.