some days
For some reason today I am really sad, I am going up to my son's house and check on it for his wife while they are out of town and I don't know if that is the reason I feel like this, it just hit me. I am not the kind to cry alot but right now I am right on the edge. I miss him so much and on the other hand I am so angry at him.
Replies
I hear your heart....I know this is a bad time....we are so aware of many emotions...anger is one of them. I pray you will recover and have more good days than bad. I have had some peaceful days that I am thankful for. Perhaps you have denied yourself the one emotion you need to express right now...crying. It is a way for our souls to cleanse....our eyes, our hearts, ...it is a purging that must happen. You will notice a difference once you release those tears for your son. Praying you feel his love and know he would not have hurt you intentionally. I know men have been raised to think that crying is for sissies but it is a myth...God gave all of us emotions....even Jesus wept.
Love and Peace....Dale, Brandon\'s MOm
Thank you so much for your wisdom and your thoughts
Not that anger can be a process that we can navigate through any faster than all of the emotions that accompany such a loss, however, it does certainly seem to hinder the entire process. Your son wasn\'t intending to leave behind the tremendous amount of grief associated with suicide. He, like the rest of our loved ones, only wanted to end his own internal anguish. It\'s ok to be angry with him, but I imagine if he could, he would lift the burden of sadness from your heart and shoulders. I imagine he see\'s things from a different view point now that he has returned home. I imagine him trying to assist you from the other side.
May this new year bring to you less anger, peace of mind, and that sadness is lifted enough to see through the darkness of grief and know that your son will continue to walk beside until you meet again. God Bless!
I can understand your anger. I was (and still am at times) so angry at Robin, that she wasn\'t capable of stopping the drug abuse. I guess because I\'ve never had a drug addiction, I can\'t understand how wanting drugs can be more powerful than the love for you kids, especially. In the week she was on life support, I sat in the hospital hall with my 17 year old grandson while he cried and asked my over and over, \"Why\"? She had promised him that she would stop just a few days before she took the overdose. He kept saying, \"She promised me, she promised me.....\" How do you explain to a 17 year heartbroken boy that she probably meant it at the time, but the addiction was just to strong. I didn\'t understand myself, how could I make hime understand? So, yes, I understand the anger, how, how could they do this to the people who love them?? Just know that times helps, the rawness, the hurt, the anger, gets softer with time. Be gentle with yourself. Write here, being able to say how you feel and know that someone understands, because they\'ve felt the same pain, helps. Love and Hungs to you, Kathie