sober sunday
Happy Father's Day!
Bob is a wonderful stepfather and grandfather to the kids. And I totally appreciate that. And I appreciate all he does for us. He works hard - land surveyor - and comes home pretty happy almost every day.
I, on the other hand, can be totally moody. I try to stay steady but sometimes I want to SCREAM!! Most days I can do my thing and pretend I'm not really getting any sicker, but then something comes along and WHAM! WTF, I'm going to die from this stupid disease, barring any buses barreling down our street. And then the nose hose and the tubing leash and the inability to do some things I want to do, well they weigh me down, down, down. And I feel tired and cranky and it is not easy to get my happy on.
Today I am really worried about BJ. I hope she is okay. But I know she probably isn't super okay. And a turn in the hospital, well that can't be good. And every time we lose some lung function, well, it's just gone. No working out or eating right is going to make it better. Pounding my fists, I am angry!
And that felt soooo good to say. Because it's okay that I'm angry. And I still love my husband. And I still love my children and my grandchildren. I can be a person, all by myself. I don't have to take on anyone else's attitudes or beliefs. I can love me. And sometimes, silly as it seems after 57 years of life, I still need to remind myself of all that stuff.
Feeling calmer now. Breathing a little easier now. And now I can get my happy back on.
I am happy that I'm married to Bob. He really really loves me. And I really really love him. A fairytale love for sure.
Joni (the baby and RN) and Jeffer (her husband) bought a home. Wow, what a great place too. All kinds of fun stuff for the kids, with a pool, a trampoline, a basketball hoop, and a half-pipe for skate-boarding. They are going to have soooo much fun living there! They have worked really hard to get where they are. Very happy for them!
Joni's son and oldest grandchild - 11 years old - is learning to program computer games. I am his guinea pig for testing them. Haha, because I'm not good at that stuff. But it's fun to see his creativity coming up on the screen and try to zap the bad guys he created. Love that kid!
Well, that's my post today. I needed that.
Bob is a wonderful stepfather and grandfather to the kids. And I totally appreciate that. And I appreciate all he does for us. He works hard - land surveyor - and comes home pretty happy almost every day.
I, on the other hand, can be totally moody. I try to stay steady but sometimes I want to SCREAM!! Most days I can do my thing and pretend I'm not really getting any sicker, but then something comes along and WHAM! WTF, I'm going to die from this stupid disease, barring any buses barreling down our street. And then the nose hose and the tubing leash and the inability to do some things I want to do, well they weigh me down, down, down. And I feel tired and cranky and it is not easy to get my happy on.
Today I am really worried about BJ. I hope she is okay. But I know she probably isn't super okay. And a turn in the hospital, well that can't be good. And every time we lose some lung function, well, it's just gone. No working out or eating right is going to make it better. Pounding my fists, I am angry!
And that felt soooo good to say. Because it's okay that I'm angry. And I still love my husband. And I still love my children and my grandchildren. I can be a person, all by myself. I don't have to take on anyone else's attitudes or beliefs. I can love me. And sometimes, silly as it seems after 57 years of life, I still need to remind myself of all that stuff.
Feeling calmer now. Breathing a little easier now. And now I can get my happy back on.
I am happy that I'm married to Bob. He really really loves me. And I really really love him. A fairytale love for sure.
Joni (the baby and RN) and Jeffer (her husband) bought a home. Wow, what a great place too. All kinds of fun stuff for the kids, with a pool, a trampoline, a basketball hoop, and a half-pipe for skate-boarding. They are going to have soooo much fun living there! They have worked really hard to get where they are. Very happy for them!
Joni's son and oldest grandchild - 11 years old - is learning to program computer games. I am his guinea pig for testing them. Haha, because I'm not good at that stuff. But it's fun to see his creativity coming up on the screen and try to zap the bad guys he created. Love that kid!
Well, that's my post today. I needed that.
Replies
DeeDee, I am happy each time you post. We all share the anger, the frustration, the desire to scream. But each time you do, you find a way a reason to be happy. You have a lot to be thankful for, and you show that thankfulness and love in each post. please take care, Bill